A Loss to Death

All the laughs, the smiles, the tears, the grimaces, and the breakdowns; you are who you are today because of them.

It is ironic and poignant how it takes pain, struggling, and loss to become a better person, to learn to truly seek beyond the mundane in life and to love without boundaries, and to help others with sympathy offering all of your heart. This is life: you need the bad to lead you to the good. It is death that reminds us to hold tightly onto life.

The best of people are usually those that have endured the worst of times. Being the best as a person- as in being a good human- is determined by how one deals and chooses to think at their lowest and weakest of points. How they act upon those intense destructive emotions and resentment.

How do you comfort someone when they’re dealing with the most striking of painful realities that is the inevitable end to this life? Just be present in silence.

Silence can mean so much more than all words. At points, it is all you can and should say. Trust me, they could not have asked for more at times like these. For it is when silence becomes comfortable that you know the connection between you and that person.

And if you are wondering how they truly feel behind that pasted smile and emotionless eyes…

The days cycle from silent ones in denial to others were you just curl up in a ball and want to go to that place between life and death, simply no longer exist. You do not want to sense a thing. Sleeping to escape reality only works so often.

It’s the ambiguity of the unknown…death. No ones been to the other side and back. The loss of the one you love, it takes you underground. You run out of tears as the days pass by. Your eyes burn and dry out. Your head and heart fill with rage; its the only thing that seems to replace the state of stunned shock. Questions fill your head. Till eventually you reach a point of ample numbness, you are still alive but death has leaked its darkness within your organs.

You miss.

And every day feels like a different slow death.

Over time, you become immune to missing. You become empty inside out.

And if you don’t know how it feels to feel this way, then who gives you the right to judge anyone who does?

All those sayings about grief, that things get easier to deal with, that life moves on, and that time heals wounds…the truth is, certain sorrows never fade away.

Ever.

Well, not until the heart stops pounding and you have taken your last breath.

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