I am a bit of everything all swathed into one. It is something I worked on daily- I have formed the end result, which is the person I am today and I have yet a lot of self-improvement. My point is, you don’t “find” who you are. It is an endless pursuit you fight for. You CREATE who you are. And it is up to you what you compose yourself of. You make choices that determine who you become and where you end up. Just like any other form of art, you yourself are an art of being.
I wanted to perceive the good in everyone, to sympathize and position myself in others lives and situations in attempt of comprehension, I raised queries and I went down for myself to see. I studied the world around me, explored as much of it as I could see; I observed others in amazement, pity, and shame. I carefully watched them fill with despise, narcissism, and rage- for I know there are such emotions and worse in all of us at points. I do all this to learn more about MYSELF.
Society, I do not do it. When I see myself in the future, it is not in some capital city socializing and taking over the scene. Forming endless acquaintances with the top names that will get me easy access to success, the VIP lounges and a good living. As much as I am capable of that office job, type of living and can actually be that name you need to get special access,I like living the hard way. I want to EARN my life without asking for any favors. I want to live without the one thing that turns people into the opposite of who I strive to become, money. I have had more than enough of it all my life. It is the one thing I was brought up with in replacement of love. I need just enough to live on the rim of survival and to pursue my ambitions and no more. Living on the bare minimal.
I see myself living on the mountains, somewhere in Asia or near the ocean in a small town in Australia or with the natives in Rwanda or Tanzania. People that appreciate the beauty of life. Those that are bound to nature. Those that study one another, nature, and animals to learn more about themselves. The reckless ones that love to live in action. That care for no approval from others. They live in accord to their personal codes. Their calling to the end of a day and the rise of another is the beautiful moon and sun. They do not waste time. There is no clock but they are aware it is ending one minute at a time, so they work on their today’s and forget their tomorrow’s. They are alive. Not merely existing.
Yes, I am obviously a total wanderlust. I live with an addiction to the need to go. Change is a necessity for my survival, and I am not talking in routinely practices, for I can train, eat, work, sleep on repeat and be joyful. But in the sense of place. I take joy in the simplest of things. My current life is same old routine every single day if I were to list the few typical tasks that compose my day many would say “wow you barely have a social life… you sacrifice this and that.” I enjoy every minute of my repetitive living because it keeps me healthy and I know is taking me down the road I want. So once again you choose to be optimistic: it is a CHOICE I make every second of everyday; anyone can be jovial and lively. Even the most boring of tasks that you do daily. It is not easy to be positive, especially when the world around you is everything but that. Yet, know anything that comes the hard way, REMAINS. Go for the most challenging pathway you find!
But yes, I hardly ever settle down in a place without finding the urge to move on, explore, move out and repeat. There is always more to see. The voice within me always reminding me there is some place greater out there.
I live by my own internal code of values. One I have built myself since a very young age. Society and its people, which include my own family, shall never be of any influence to me. Both your criticisms and praising will never sway me. You free your spirits. Do not let society cage you. Worst of all; do not let your mind be your threshold. Go beyond. If you are ever satisfied you will never reach your full potential. Know and tell yourself that you CAN be and do better.
As much as I was quite the “wild oat” in my young years, I live with no regrets. Not one. My life was probably full of mistakes, but I live in the present. No guilt towards my past, all my actions and faults are accepted, I carry them with me everyday as a reminder to why I work so hard today to be who I am. Rebellion is still in my roots and it is something I embraced. Some of my past stories have left me scarred too and I wear those with pride.
You see life is NOW. You are meant to be experiencing it NOW. If you live in your past, you might as well just go lay in your grave earlier than what is destined for you already! So take no shame in your errors, just make sure you have learned the lessons and implemented them positively within yourself and towards others.
People fail to see that life in itself is a challenge. One you must confront and conquer. To live is to dare. And it is up to me that I live off of the thrill of risk. I am wise enough to know that some days I am very close to death purposely, but little do you know you are no safer confining yourself to your comfort zone. I approach life with excitement and energy. I do not do things halfway or feebly; life in itself is one hell of an adventure you must live feeling alive and active. You need to get out of your comfort zones and be open to experiences that are nothing but sheer curiosity to you and others that you dread. I engage in ongoing experiences for my own sake; to discover other realms/feelings/topics…exploration of the unfamiliar is simply fascinating.
I am urged by insane desires that place me at the edge of life. Always constantly trying to satisfy that need to be audacious, which is my nature and yes, most days that means I am quite foolhardy. I know what I’m in for, I ask for it! I have fun, but my way. You are your own responsibility. I refuse to worry much about others for I believe each and every human being is responsible for him or herself after reaching a certain age at least. So your actions, words and behavior, you do and say conscientiously.
No one can tie me down, for all I ever want is freedom. No confinements or obligations set but anyone other than myself. I do as I wish, when I wish.
I am living a life full of action that repudiates long-term plans. I enjoy today, no tomorrows. The vivacity that surges within me is one that is merely pure love for life and living. And tomorrow, I am never guaranteed. I enjoy today and I enjoy it ALONE.
Learn independence. One aspect of it is being self-contained to an extent. Not relying on interactions with others in order to take pleasure in your experiences and to get on in life.
Be bold; do what you fear. Get out there and just do it! Attack the panic within you. The prodigious ones are the insane buoyant ones out there, those that many just can do no further than label them as insane freaks. I am proudly one of them indeed.
I wrote this without any plan of thought or organization. But that’s just my head…messed up inside. This was just as the title of the note says, in hopes of you learning about yourself, through part of who I am. So today you get to play my role of studying others 😉