First, let me assure you, unless he is super rich. He willingly, consciously and sometimes even full-heartedly pursues another woman other than his wife, especially if it was emotionally. “Gold diggers” and “home wreckers” do not go for men without substantial money in most cases. The majority of “other women” are ladies pursued at their most vulnerable states that end up emotionally abused just as the wife. Unless she is a mistress providing him with a fantasy escape, this affair is based on mutual agreements.
I will simplify the reasons why men cheat for all the woman that ask me:
(1) He can get away with it. He has done it before and knows his wife will be all forgiving out of love and giving him a second or third chance. I do not believe that once a cheater always a cheater, but a man can cheat on the SAME woman again and again for as long as he can get away with it. As many man have told me, “She will never know, I am careful.. I have done this before. And even if she does, she will still forgive me.” This is the scenario when a woman loves a man more than herself, if herself at all!
(2) He does not love his wife, which applies if he is emotionally cheating.
(3) He is unhappy in his relationship. This could be for many reasons.
(4) He is supplementing the passion and intimacy that lacks in his marriage elsewhere. This affair starts with a friendship and grows to love. Goes to point one, this usually has to do with the fact he is emotionally distant from his wife and thus, cannot open up for many reasons.
(5) He is insecure so he needs to feed his ego and remind himself of his once young “manhood”. Personally, I believe men that approach their mid-forties tend to reach that age were they seek younger women for self-assurance that they are still good enough to get the “chics”.
(6) He is not satisfied with his sex life, these men simply tend to look for one night stands or short term affairs that are purely physical based.
(7) For the thrill, even is it is simply the chase, more rewarding of course if he catches his prey! It is an exciting challenge for them that revives them from their mundane routinely marriage with responsibilities. Sadly, many men see women as sexual conquests. That includes their wives since they are obviously disrespecting them by doing such acts in the first place. I have always said, if he doesn’t respect his own wife, you cannot expect him to respect any other woman.
(8) He had the chance. Some men are only as faithful as their options. This usually would only apply to really wicked women that seduce some men knowing they are rich, and/or good looking, and/or simply because they are “good men” (last reason is extremely rare though!) Sexual approach for men is a chance they get once-in-lifetime, unlike us women attacked everyday. And of course, they go ahead and blame their “nature” for giving into temptation.
(9) His wife is always complaining and arguing. Men do not want to go home after a long day of work to a nagging wife! They want someone to pamper them. So they find her elsewhere. To the dear wives, you need to make him feel like a man and BABY.
(10) His wife LETS him. Knowing he still does his job as a father and obviously they are married without love or respect as their bond. All she cares about is one promise that “he will never leave her.” Does not matter that he disrespects her behind her back. This marriage is more of a financial based terms, particularly for the children if there are any.
(11) His wife does not turn him on anymore. I know men that refer to their wives as “sisters” or ” mere roommates”. Usually the women they choose are more attractive and lively in character than their wives.
(12) His wife is pregnant or he has a new baby born. When a woman’s pregnant she is busy being a mess in her hormones, thinking the fact she has a part of her husband in her guarantees he loves her and is faithful. Not at all! I will quote one man, “To make that second child, I had to imagine another woman to come. That is how detached I am from her emotionally and physically! We have sex like it is a task to conceive, no love there, just a machine on automatic following a schedule” …and his wife has NO idea. The second scenario, after giving birth, many wives focus on being mothers and forget they still have duties as wives. The time and affection is now shared if not less than what his wive gives their baby. He finds it elsewhere.
(13) The woman has lost herself in the relationship. This tends to happen a lot with converts, the men marry them at first thinking they are changing out of love except they only change on papers. Big fail. They loose their identities and thus, themselves and feel no esteem. Not to mention, many women “loosen up” and neglect of themselves and their looks after marriage, thinking they have securely gotten a man anyways, why the effort? That is the problem, they put up an image to get him expecting the man to define their worth once they are married. Then when he cheats on her, the woman ends up with scraps of false self-esteem and is more wrecked than ever, not sure of why she failed as a wife and she addresses her problems on the outside only; she tries a new look that is similar to the other woman’s and suddenly remembers to brush and dye her hair if she must, look good by buying some new outfits, pastes a fake smile and decides to always wear a stuffed push-up bra..! Disaster, she will still have many issues of worth as a woman and he will still never love her. Be yourself and look your best for YOURSELF and no man!
(14) He simply cannot commit. The reason why he chooses to remain married could be as simple as he does not want to hurt another, there are children, does not want to disappoint his parents, and/or has a reputation or status in society to keep up.
(15) He is with the wrong partner which whom he feels cannot understand him.
(16) He was unaware of his emotional needs and current unhappy reality until he met another.
(17) Last one is, he is a sex or love addict. Sad to say I am not sure which is worse. But sex addicts, I would be worried about STD’s. As for love addicts, eventually the love is expressed with the body and then when he does get physical with her, it will not be just “sex” like for the addict, but it will be some passionate love making. So to me the latter is the worst!
All the reasons above are straight from the tongues of married men I encountered and personal observations of marriages meanwhile talking to both spouses.
I feel the need to mention that none of these cheaters are “bad” people, to the contrary, in most scenarios they are good-hearted but simply WEAK people that have a failed relationship draining their hearts and souls and are too weak to end it before starting another. Cowards basically lol. In most cases affairs just happen, before you know it you are in too deep. To some it is an escape they may later regret and depending on the reason he cheated in the first place, it may bring him closer to his wife or it can do the total opposite; for many other men, affairs are the best thing that happened in their lives, although the endings are never pretty, it is an eye opening life saver. Two options happen from there, either the man finds the courage to move on to the better knowing he can still be a great if not greater father now that he is healthy and happy without the relationship or he continues to resign to being “stuck in misery” and lives dwelling in his mind of memories of and with the other woman that “keep him alive”. He battles himself on all levels and never does he tell his wife about his true feelings, as many men I see today, they simply become machines with duties as fathers but no dignity as humans.