“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” – African Proverb
This proverb is perfectly true. Could not have said it any better or described what I shall be talking about any simpler than that sentence.
First, I have to say. I hate labeling and never do label anyone as an “enemy”. I think that ultimately denotes there are people out there to destroy you, your successes and wellbeing. So you have to be on the look out always. But more importantly, it causes rise to emotions within you that include; primarily fear, hate, and a few other negative emotions. And we all know we can’t advance much in life being consumed by such feelings. It’s not easy to love an enemy is it?
Fear in itself will stop you from living.
What you focus on in life, grows and multiplies! Particularly what you rehearse and picture in your mind. Mental images and self-talk affect you profoundly. They are your self-fulfilling prophecies.
Your imagination and false beliefs can affect you emotionally just as much as your reality, if not more if they become a habit of the subconscious to repeat. Of course from there, your emotions determine your behaviors, and no one wants to walk through life as a loose cannon!
When you clinch to the belief of the label “enemy,” you’ll find yourself questioning matters when outcomes do not come out as planned, or happens to the worse- especially if they are part of your every day scenes.
When you’re choosing to bind yourself to your past pains’ caused by another- be it they hurt you or left you- no matter how valid your justifications maybe, you find that you resign yourself to the victim-mode and waiting for someone to make things better.
Or simply the fact you clasp so tightly to the existence of the people you envy, resent, and/or would refer to as their “enemies” that you become so consumed in not only trying to find ways to blame them for your state and difficult or unhappy realities, but you know no other way. All you expect from others is back patting and pity added to your own self-pity! You may even want them to share your view that this person is the reason for your miseries and is indeed out to destroy you.
The fact is, all you’re doing is handing your power of SELF-RESPONSIBILITY over to someone else; “your enemy”. For many people and in most cases (emotional victims especially), that person is imagined! You’re failing to see the truth: your battle is internal.
Essentially, the negative emotions one tends to harbor against another is actually one he/she may feel towards him/herself. Particularly if they are emotions or conditions in their lives they refuse to be responsible for and instead prefer to blame another for it.
I have no “enemies” in life! I don’t think it’s possible to for me to have one even. The closest to enemies I could think of are my very dear haters (not mocking by saying “dear”). And I can name no more than three or four people that I’d know of personally. It would actually be one person that teamed up others; one thing for fact, the weak ones that battle themselves will ALWAYS need a crew of hypocrites for back-up! They do not give up trying to sabotage me in any way, some even pray for my destruction- I guess they think that getting rid of my existence will make their miserable lives any better. Although I have nothing to do with them! Well, in any case, how foolish. These obsessive thoughts and evil infatuations they have with me will only eat THEIR minds, emotions, and souls up alive.
Meanwhile, I simply do not mind their existence. I don’t avoid them. I don’t need to change my schedules to make sure I don’t run into them- I have nothing and no one to hide from- for even when I encounter them they’re hardly present in my eyes or world. Why and how? It’s simple, when you truly know and love yourself- every part of you; from your intellect, to your body, to your soul, to your heart.. you get too big to hate the haters back. There really will be no room for hate within you.
When you truly forgive (those that hurt you even), move on, and remain your true self- no matter how hard they try to make you react and look like a bunny-boiler- you simply see them as the desperate hopeless people they are that have nothing to take away from or certainly add to your life, let alone their own! And you even wish them well. From my heart and in my prayers I wish them well. It ends there in thought and talk.
There are three options really when you see people that used to affect you, let’s say for example your ex (we all know they know how to push our most sensitive buttons);
(1) You can see them and be jealous and resentful for what you do not have or what you even miss having (basically, that’s how your haters would feel towards you, even if it’s merely your character or beauty they envy),
(2) You can simply ignore them, because ignoring temptation is that much easier than fighting it. But this also means you have not moved on and they probably still have emotional control over you. You are not the one in power if you ignore.
(3) Or you see them, and it really doesn’t matter if they’re around or not. You don’t have to act a certain way be it prove to them you’re better or happier. Because all that matters is your own opinion and what you know of yourself as the truth. Nothing needs to be proved. You can even look them straight in the eye with a genuine smile, and you wish them well (that’s what I do). This reaction comes out of your inner world and this not only means you have surely moved on but also, you are successful within.
I can tell you my haters did greatly add to my life! Not during the days they were faking my friends cause they saw me as threats as they drown in jealousy (yes, many people still practice “keeping their enemies close”). But much after I chose to erase them out of my life, simply because they are doors that lead me to nowhere. If anything, their friendships were false and toxic, and brought me extra attention and drama I never wanted or surely liked. Generally, the people that end up thinking I’m their enemy and hate don’t really know me and I wouldn’t want them to as I find them undeserving of my friendship. I hated seeing their eyes stare at me in envy or the bitter smiles they’d give me when they think I wasn’t aware. I’d sincerely have to thank them though, for they lead me to a lot of spiritual growth.
You shouldn’t see your enemies in a negative light, to the contrary, they will be your greatest teachers! If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have learned to rise above many negative emotions and really be in full control of myself.
I also learned what kind of woman, wife, and mother I do not want to be through them! So I thank them. I surely know they still stalk me on here trying to figure their own pathetic lie of life out, so again, I thank you greatly.
Your “enemies” or “haters” also teach you other valuable lessons, they teach you who you never want to be! You see weaknesses and qualities in them you make sure you do not have! Be it through relationships they have with themselves or others.
Personally, I know if I ever had to deal with them again I would deal with them with kindness. Not because of who they are or how they feel towards me should I change the way I AM. And if they were ever in any danger I know my immediate response would be to help them, maybe even at my own cost… why? Because within me I have nothing harbored towards them. The people that can sit and watch another hurt are those that are either holding grudges against that person (entirely irresponsible and want to play victims) or have no true hearts and souls.
I always say send kindness and even love to your haters and enemies, it will tick them off! However, I must admit, yes I do not mean love “love”. In all essence, love is reserved to those worthy of it, certainly I do not see my haters as worthy of my love! But kindness for me is an act of love, so I meant it in that sense, I follow my nature; that kindness is coming out of self-love!
The emotion you feel towards to your haters or enemies shouldn’t be a passion surely: not love or hate. It should be simply: peace. There is no other word I can sum it up to.
And how did I achieve that peace? Instead of shutting them out or assuming they are on my opposite side, I chose to be empathetic. I put myself entirely in their shoes. I felt their pains. I felt their jealousy. I cried their tears (yes, at points I literally did). And it ended there. Nothing else to feel and act out of but peace towards them and my truth.
And like I once said: wishing others well nourishes my heart, soul, and mind… and so my life is that much easier, some days it even blossoms! 🙂
I will also admit, I long knew I am better than them. If I were them, I’d hate me too. Be the bigger person and rise above, choose the greatest force in life: love!