It will do you no good, even if you feel you’re entitled to follow it.
Revenge seems to come after a set of certain ‘bad emotions,’ as many have labeled them. These emotions have not only set in but consumed oneself. Namely anger, which turns into bitterness, resentment and a deadly obsession to return the pain.
We feel anger when we have been wronged, when we are in fear, and/or we feel betrayed or trespassed- this is a case with failed relationships or love gone wrong. Or simply a threat to one’s pride or ego for those in power position- the case in the business world and politics, the sphere of domination over one another.
Some of us find the need to return the pain out of mere intention and others simply because you fear being hurt the same way again so you react in a harmful manner thinking this ensures it is not to happen again now that the other knows how you feel- but that is never the case.
I will in a later post speak about emotions and how there is no such thing as a bad emotion if you are actually in tune within, you can make any emotion work for you and not against you. Emotions are there to take you on the right path if only you know how to control your mind and so self. Till that topic, let’s continue on with revenge.
Like said above, revenge takes a certain degree of obsession. And why is that? Well, because revenge requires energy. It requires putting your energy to plot and plan destruction- but little did you know it’s destruction of your own self along with that other you are targeting.
Obsession of any sort, be it about what is good or bad, positive or negative, about anything or anyone in this world will never lead you to getting your life in order and fulfilling oneself.
You see, I’m not saying you don’t have the right- because most likely if you want to revenge then yes you have been wronged. But don’t keep yourself a victim of someone else’s wrongdoing.
So what can you do when major let down and/or disappointment happens? You can either let it make you smaller and destroy you or you can use it as a stepping-stone to being a better person and taking a greater path. Don’t let bitterness, resentment or anger against someone take root in your life, most of all, don’t water the roots with negative thoughts that feed those emotions fueling your need to revenge.. You are only stopping yourself from your breakthrough!
It’s all a matter of focus and energy. You will not move on to what truly matters- that is yourself, your health, your goals, your dreams, and your life- if you keep your attention turned towards revenge. You will not feel better afterward. What will make you feel better? Forgiving, living well, and succeeding. I tell you that has no immediate satisfaction like revenging does. But remember, although you may feel good in the moment having executed the plan you have fantasized about, picturing their reaction, and your smug on their devastated and shunned faces.. all this will back fire. It’s a fact that revenge almost always back-fires. It is a form of self-harm. As the great Chinese philosopher Confucius once said: “Before you embark upon a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”
You see, when you do something spiteful, you might as well go to the other person crying and become a doormat for them to walk all over you! You are letting them know you have been demolished and they have an emotional hold on you. Which means, they have won and will continue to win you. You also will not do the damage that you hope to do. You will keep yourself stuck in the same place of pain as long as your attention remains fixed on that person and revenge is just keeping your focus on him/her only now in a negative fashion. Revenge won’t make you feel good, revenge will just keep you hurting longer than you need to hurt.
With love and relationships, it’s easier said than done because it takes time and practice but the hurt will last for as long as you let it. The pain will cut as deep as you allow it. The challenge is learning and growing from the pain. Then deciding to let go of what hurts instead of holding to it and allowing room for the good and better.
Also, on a similar note. When you hate, that person still has power over you. But instead of being tied to them with love, you’re tied with an emotion that will poison your own soul. If you want to let go and forgive and/forget, you cannot hate. Release the pain. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your hurt. Only you are holding yourself back from a new life.
On the second example of power positions and revenge in the world of politics and business. The ego seems to dominate, that is what reputation is all about after all.
Realize if you’re targeted it maybe for a reason or both of the following: you are successful and the best at what you do, that alone is enough for someone to sabotage you and want to destroy all that you have built. And/or that someone targeting you knows he/she have reached the success they have through not-so-noble ways and see you as a threat to their fortune built on lies- it could be because you are honest and/ore have shared those opinions and truths with others, or are simply better at your common field of work than them. All I can say is, you cannot fight fire with fire. Certainly, never let your ego take over and fight with fire against someone you know can end your life. Some people take pleasure in merely destroying the lives of others- especially those in power positions. Remember, when people act towards you negatively they are only reflecting how they feel inside and towards themselves and how they treat themselves. The fact they take pleasure in terminating others is their problem to live with and not yours.
Not fighting back with fire takes responding and not reacting. One should think of consequences before taking any actions. Or even speaking, which for many with of us that are overly reactive it is much harder to think before we speak than before we act . Like said, control your tongue and you’ll control yourself and so your life. This also means controlling your thoughts. For what you think, you will come to believe. Your imagination is what’s real to you and it’s as real as anything gets. Your inner world is the only reality to all that is happening in the outer.
So remember, you are a product of your thoughts. They enslave you. So in the end, you are responsible for how you think, feel, behave, and act.
Personally, even when I have done things that I would see cross my set boundaries- I made sure I not only see where these choices will lead me but to do them consciously as well. For only then that when the consequences arise, you will act responsibly and live without regret.
My advice would be: be wise and know that wisdom sees ahead. Think before you speak and think before you act. Don’t say and do things that will give you momentary gratification or simply for an emotional release but will harm you and so probably others in long term.
See, when you revenge, it makes you more like them and not you. You become the sadist. The same life wrecker and pain inflictor. Yes, even if you think you have the right to pay back- no one really does. Even if those you are revenging deserve it, YOU DON’T. You don’t want to be like them.
Pick your battles wisely. Not everything/everyone is worth fighting for. It’s not triumphing a battle that’ll make you happier and/or stronger- instead, walking away and choosing to look and take a better path would. Life is far too short to be wasted on warring. So only fight for the most genuine significant people in this life, they are rare indeed. The rest, recognize your value, rise above and just let go. Remember, that to rise above and get ahead… you cannot try to get even- that would mean stooping down!
You’re meant to keep those people out of your thoughts. For as long as you are plotting your retribution and that consumes your mind then the others you have harbored bitterness and/or hate towards are whom that shall dictate your actions and choices in this life.
Revenge.. it is bad for your soul. It wrecks your peace within. It clouds your judgment. Those that have wronged you are certainly not worth your soul. Be compassionate to both yourself and them.
What to do when you have been wronged then? I say, do nothing to them and just let things be- instead focus on making your own life better.
You know the greatest reason to why you should not revenge?
It is because revenge is unnecessary.
You do not need it to heal. If anything the need to revenge will keep you from healing.
Choose healing and not suffering, by replacing your negative beliefs with positive ones. Healing come with responsibility- by realizing that it is you and no one else that creates your thoughts, feelings, and actions. You don’t want to hold onto to the thoughts that lead you to feel shame, guilt, and anger. Release the negative energies from their main source and let positive energies flow in their place instead.
What I have come to realize during the days I had anger problems was that I FED my anger. How can one do that? Simple, by thinking about the same negative thoughts, creating worst case scenarios, jumping to conclusions,.. and making all that the truth in your mind. It becomes a habit on automatic! You ultimately find that your anger is the only truth and so it clouds your judgment and makes your false imagination the only reality. So be very wary of your thoughts, they determine all else. Whenever I’d think negatively, I’d stop even if it means screaming to myself within to stop. I drop it. And I move on to another thought or the same but seeing it from a bystanders point of view or the other person involved through empathy. You have to be calm and centered which means meditating to be able to do that however and not at the height of emotion.
You can re-build your life and make it even greater without revenging. You can CREATE a new life even from the remaining ashes and dusts of an old one. And the best thing? You don’t need the permission of others! You don’t need to prolong the bitterness, the pain, the feelings of victimization.. you don’t need the suffering. You don’t even need an apology or acknowledgment. You have nothing to prove to those that have wronged you either, never strive to prove anything to your haters or enemies. You are free and only you can unanchor yourself. This is your life. It’s happening now. Let their wrongdoings curse them for life.
Never allow yourself to be taken in by those who don’t deserve you, even if only in thoughts. Only we can exact that for ourselves. It really isn’t about them in the end. They were the instruments of our own bad choices one way or the other, there’s a reason behind every person you meet in your life. It doesn’t mean you deserve the blame for their misdeeds either, just that you need to be more vigilant in the future because not everyone is as YOU are- keep that in mind, and do not become like them.
Do not give anyone the satisfaction to rule your life but yourself and God.