Recently I have been contemplating a lot matters of the heart. Seeing as I am someone that always navigates from my heart (although my mind is as equal), I have been witnessing others and their thoughts and lives. One thing many never consider: if their hearts are diseased. By this I don’t mean in the physical sense as in you’re ill or such. No, I mainly mean those that lead lives without integrity, are not self-actualized, concerned with the wordily goods, have not worked on their inner selves and/or mainly live this life experiencing it and responding if not reacting through their Ego’s and not their Soul’s.
I see many that hide, lie, and cheat and feel no guilt or any weight on their conscious doing so. You see, in such instances, feelings like guilt, shame, and fear are good signs. It means your heart is still functioning and those painful emotions are your wake up call to change.
The signs of a diseased heart are many… some I ruminate on always:
1. To judge what you do not know and/or cannot understand. Firstly, judgment can kill love. And love is the only eye that can show you the good in another. On a similar note, I used to think sympathy was a must to fair judgement, but it is not- empathy is. Sympathy is what drives our emotions based on our own understanding, thus it is limited to our own experiences- we judge harshly otherwise. Empathy however, compels us within, moving us to truly put ourselves outside of our own life and into someone else’s shoes. It’s more than relating to someone else’s pain, it’s experiencing it with them and not simply because you’ve endured a situation of the like. It takes a genuine big heart, an open mind and true soul to be able to be empathetic. If you don’t have the ability to see and experience things from another individuals outlook, situation, and circumstance then you’ll never really know and understand what another person is going through. So before you lose yourself looking at the big picture and having your emotions lead you to any conclusions, keep in mind, many things are not what they seem. If you’re not personally involved or don’t know the details or perspectives of those involved, recognize you cannot speak without judging unfairly- no matter what you or others deem. Lastly, your senses are not to be relied on, especially when passing opinions or judgments. Unless you’ve been her/him and experienced their EXACT emotions and circumstances- do not dare utter what you think you heard, saw, or happened. Your presumptions and implanted judgments will be exactly what you see, even if it never happened! Little do you know that you have NO idea! And if it did happen, who are you to judge? You should not even judge your OWN wrong-doings! And more likely, you can never grasp the situation or the person to begin with in order to imagine yourself in their place! Hence, yes, your judgments are surely going to be false! It’s simple: live and let live! Learn to focus on your own lives and doings: YOUR personal right and WRONG! Making choices is what life is about. Make the best of choices for yourself. Even if that choice is a lingering voice to just go ahead. But once the decision is made acknowledge and be ready that you will deal with the consequences. Good or bad are relative matters, similarly as life is not simply black or white. Each and every situation cultivates us in someway- we discover something about who we are or are not. Take the lesson, take the experience and just run with that.
2. To not be able to control and discipline your mind and emotions. This is a long journey between you and yourself. Control and discipline come with practice. To discipline is to analyze and prevent what was wrong from reoccurring. For example, seeing the outburst of a negative reaction and learning to take charge and responding differently the next time. A lot that has to relate to my posts on conquering anger and other emotions. It is to say ‘No’ when you believe you should regardless of others. It is to condition yourself to live this life according to what you preach. And to make use of each day to better yourself and not repeat the mistakes of before. (This is of course the lesser of signs I believe).
3. To live concerned about satisfying your Ego’s instead of working on your Soul’s. We all have an ethical obligation to other beings but the principal obligation is to yourself.
4. To keep pointing out others flaws and wrongdoings, and forgetting, denying, or avoiding your own. How you perceive others says more about yourself than them. We’re all flawed, it’s called being human. Realize your greatest enemy and competitor in this life is yourself. Be aware of your faults and then decide to change. For it takes strength to acknowledge and face your weaknesses. Focus all your time on SELF-improvement, you’ll have no time to think of or criticize others.
5. To trash talk others as a way to portray yourself as better. There is no use in bringing down others or pointing out their faults just for you to feel superior or better! The only valid comparison for a person is him/herSELF. If you need someone below you in character so you’d feel better about yourself then you have some serious issues! If you can be better, why not set that ideal you wish to reach and be your own inspiration instead? Aspire to change and grow- then do just that! If you often compare, well at least look at exemplary people that continually ACT honestly and goodly, you need to feel that you LACK qualities in order to find room for self-improvement- and not pat yourself for your supposed ‘purity, morals, and goodness’, for the only person you have to conquer and excel is ONESELF. Make it a challenge this year to live by what you preach, it’s time many of you WALK the talk! Also, concerning labeling others: it’s not about the words labeled or how negative and wrong they usually are.. it’s about what you deem when you name people; it becomes your belief of them. Our language influences our thinking, our outlook on the world and how we view others. To utter a curse.. to declare the thing out loud by saying it, brings it into existence.
6. To live this life without gratefulness, even if for something as simple as your every breath syncing with someone else’s last. Want little and you are not poor. The fact is, you need very little to be happy. Most of your needs are blessings you already have; health, family, friends,.. be grateful. Focus on making today your best day. Practice compassion. Smile more. Let joy and not fear drive you.
7. To find tranquility and happiness in sabotaging, hurting, or destroying others. Your heart can’t be anything but sick. You should not wish for others what you would not wish for yourself and your loved ones. Let alone, you should not speak of or treat others in ways you would never wish to be spoken of or treated.
On a similar note, although I don’t want to fully embrace the notion of karma, what goes around does come around. The energy you give is what you’ll receive. Sometimes however, I think that karma is what weak people believe in to make themselves feel better about being slighted. Kind of similar if not equal to religion, how people need it to make them more compassionate, charitable, kind, etc. If you think about it, many people today are only good because they follow a set of rules in a book by the divine, it grounds them. No shame with that of course, but my point being you can follow a religion strictly and still have no faith or conscious spirit whatsoever. In my opinion, people believe in karma and try to be better mostly because they believe good will come back if they do it. But that’s not genuinely being good! I live with good intentions and perform good deeds not because I want them returned! I just do without expectations. It’s not karma, but consequences that happen in my world, I always think of consequence before I act. They don’t require a mystical element.
8. To do wrong only to go pray without any guilty conscious at all. And well, you just repeat the cycle thinking that as long as you balance the bad and good you’ll be rescued. Personally, I never understood and never will understand those that sin and then go pray to God on repeat. The concept of balance doesn’t really apply here. Making your focus in life bad acts (simply because you get instant gratification and pleasure) followed by good only to repeat the bad.. this says A LOT about your conscious- more like the lack of it! This also possibly denotes you’re a hypocrite, which is the next point.
9. To be a hypocrite, when your sayings and doings don’t match- especially when doors are closed. The only you that matters is when nobody is looking. The key to simple serenity in life is to be at peace with oneself. That means living in accord to your own personal set morals and ideals. One’s thoughts and actions should be based on a conscious-self and done full-heartedly. Your intentions are of no concern if they are not reflected in your doings, let alone, if they happen to oppose your beliefs- simply because there is no one around to judge or assign you a penalty! At the end, you’re only truly cheating yourself.
10. To live your life only consumed by wealth and all else that is material. Money is delusional happiness! I see it as the root to all problems. Very sad to see people betray and kill over it, even their own blood. And once you have it, it’s never enough; greed and superiority (money equals power ey) consume you. It becomes a short-term fulfillment. Concentrate on what you do have, real blessings are gifts without cost. If you really want to spend, spend on an experience, not materials. And remember money can never buy you the utmost vital things in life: a soul, love, health, self-esteem, a family, and contentment. The true goods in life are for free and generally not tangible. If you want genuine stable joy, seek it from within not external sources.
11. To be obsessed with anything in this outside world and all it’s offerings, without consideration of your inner world. Get a deeper understanding of yourself and you will have a greater capacity of and get better at understanding those around you. This starts with unraveling your own emotions from their core. You need to learn to FACE your own shadows (we ALL have them!), or else, you will keep on seeing them in others!.. The world outside and the way you grasp/view it is only a reflection of the world INSIDE YOU. Ruminate on this before you criticize others…
12. To threaten and force others to stay in relationships for your own sake that do not serve them and/or chip away their hearts and souls. You cannot keep what wants to go. You can only love what you have while you got it. Don’t forcefully harvest what never did or can no longer exist- you’re dooming your future for good! Your destiny is never tied to those that wish to part you. Let go of what wants to be no longer yours and soar! I think in this scenario it’s a wake up call to face your fears of being alone and to work on your self-esteem.
13. To blame someone else for your own insecurities, lack of self, wrongdoings, feelings, and reactions and do so feeling no burden or pain that you did that. There are no victims (emotional) in this life, you MAKE yourself a victim. Blame will never heal you. Own your wounds and cleanse away any injustices you think others have done to you.. that’s the only path to a brighter future. Be responsible and take charge of your life. Moreover, keep in mind that most people feed off of one another’s emotional energy. It’s human. Yet, some people only take and never give. Others can take your positive and leave you with their burdens! Conserve your energy so you’d be able to free yourself from that person and use it to renew yourself instead. Stop victimizing yourself (easier said than done!) and just walk far away. It will add years to your life: perhaps enough years to either become happy with your own company, or to find someone who loves you without killing you for the price of their love.
14. To not forgive and bottle up resentment in your heart. Your Soul is bound to erode. Firstly, to keep your inner peace you must practice forgiveness and get really good at it. You have to make the decisions that you will control you own moods and not get easily offended. You have to not give a damn about pleasing anyone other than yourself, those that genuinely care about you will be by your side. You have to learn to be humble to yourself and be adaptive. This means acknowledging and accepting you will be wrong sometimes. There are some situations are just better to let go off and drop, no matter how roughly. You pick your battle, and again, not everything is worth fighting for. Also, choose to be gloriously fallible! Part of being human is forgiving. If you cannot forgive yourself you cannot forgive others. You’ve made mistakes, so what? We all do! Your mistake don’t have to make you, now that is a choice you decide and follow. For even our reasonings and logic are based on our senses, and our senses fool us! Things aren’t real because you can see and touch them. That is an illusion of the sense. All the most real things, in fact, are invisible. Keep in mind, love escapes the five senses.
15. Being fueled by pride and arrogance. Your degrees, titles, acquaintances, money/heritage, reputation or good looks do not make you anymore superior to anybody else. It’s simple: treat people how YOU wish to be treated. Respect towards one another requires no particular attributes or status. Choose to look beyond the title and what your eyes have to offer- instead, focus on the person’s essence. Most importunely, know that humility is by far the greatest virtue for humans to acquire. Have humility. Replace pride with it.
16. To bury the dead without taking your lesson from what you just witnessed, that in the end you’re left with nothing but your soul and deeds. Enough said.
Although I do believe some of the above signs you cannot go back after you’ve reached that state of character and being. I do like to end all my posts in hope. Acknowledge that you have to make deliberate choices for you to grow. No progress or growth shall happen without change, that change has to be intentional. And the one requirement for change is new thinking. There is no change without some sort of sacrifice or loss and there is no loss without pain. If you want to reinvent yourself and grow, you will have to decide and commit yourself to making changes. That means letting go of your old thinking’s, old behaviors, and old habits. Implement and take pleasure in new ways of living, eventually, with practice, the hard becomes easy and you perfect the new habits into a permanent lifestyle. Remember that success comes with consistency that means you persevere without end.
Demand more of yourself than others; lead by example, choose to rise above the negative or wrong, forgive, and let go. Live by your own preachings. Keep loving, listen to your heart, but stay in tune with your conscious soul. Learn to heal yourself within; seek the power of solitude. Reflect within.. 90% of the problems people have today are issues they feel or have towards themselves! You are all you need to be the best version of YOU, just face your truth, accept, decide to change, and do just that! Your wellbeing, happiness, and successes lie in your hands and no one else’s!
Help one another whenever you can. Love oneself and every person. There is no room for jealousy, hate, and greed. These damaging emotions will consume your heart and soul, and thus your life. Leave no room for them within, you have no time; the reality is your life is ending a day at a time. Appreciate all; be it nature’s splendor, the people around you and the smallest of blessings’. Every morning you wake up to, each breath you take, down to every single petal and each sunbeam. Be honest and straight, it’s the only noble way to treat each other. Feel nothing but compassion towards other beings. Exonerate. Learn to forgive. Wish and do no wrong to no one. Eliminate those that bring out the worst in you from your life. Choose to be good intentioned, accordingly act decently and perform good deeds. Choose love. Choose thankfulness. Choose happiness. The only path to true happiness is to genuinely love and live with gratitude. For without love and contentment, your life will fleet before your own eyes in a glimmer.