So I turned 23 this June. My life is nowhere near what I expected it to be like.
For one, I’m living in a country I’ve longed to leave and it is not because of the country itself but the people and their mentality. Second, I am single, by choice of course. Settling is not an option to me, I know the type of quality man I need in my life, not just anyone be it rich and/or good-looking. I also know the type of love I seek and am capable of, it’s not the one most married couples here have. Third, I thought at least I’d be in a successful job by now. I’ve quit all my jobs no matter the position due to the fact they were simply soul draining and I’m not made to sit at a desk all day. But the most important point of all that leaves me in agony is the fact I know clearly what I want in life and relationships, yet, I am not granted my personal freedom to get out and live. Thanks to my parents traditional way of thinking that my freedom to travel this world on my own shall not be granted till I’m handed to a husband. As if at my age I need someone to be responsible for me for their reputations sake in this mediocre closed-minded society.
I have points were like any other human I’m so weak I just want to quit life all together. But that’s not me in essence. I was made to help those around me, I cannot do that if I cannot help myself to begin with.
A few years ago, I decided to stop complaining about where I am and focus instead on myself. I tell you if you can live in a country like Egypt, you can live anywhere. The constant judging, people never mind their own lives, the pressure from family and society, the hypocrisy, the traditional ignorant mentality where no one thinks for themselves instead aiming for acceptance from others to fit in, the pollution in the air and water, the lack of healthy foods, the traffic, the noise, the daily harassment as a woman,… it’s quite the daily toll. And for me home was never a place but people. Certainly my family aren’t this home of understanding and love either. I still decided to forget all that and focus on making myself happy within. But now with the years passing and having grown into the woman I was made to be, I’ve felt ready for a while to go into this world and live and I know what I need shall find me, but I am still caged.
But again this post isn’t to complain but as I always aim to inspire. In a way I am writing this as a reminder to myself.
This post is about being present where I am, not where I wish to be for however much longer it will take than anticipated. Many of us want to rush. Rush to graduation. Rush to the altar. Rush to parenthood. Rush for OUR plans to work. But now I am keeping in mind that no matter how great of a planner I am or anyone else is, it is not always my plan that will take place. Instead the greatest of planners is after all your Source. Your Source can be anything: the Universe, God, Allah, Spirit. It doesn’t really matter, what matters is gaining perspective from time to time through something greater.
For now I choose to believe since God knows of my greatness, he will destine me to it.
What if you chose to be believe that if you do what is right for you, stay focused on your goals, live by your truth, refuse to settle or be belittled just to fit in with others or the norm, be patient, and have faith.. that the best of plans will reveal on it’s on. Maybe not a the time you see suits but when God finds you ready.
As children we wanted things we desired at an instant, “immediately”. We still live in that age, unfortunately. We also like to believe we have total control over our lives. Yes, you do to an extent. But your Source won’t work according to your schedule!
I am someone that’s always lived by the power of self and that only. Thinking that through self-effort and hard work I can shape the destiny of my life. But since 3 years ago I found that I can only do my best to get the certain outcome I desire, but, it still won’t happen. At least not in the timing I wanted but a timing that is right. Who decides when it’s right you think? Definitely not me or you. Some examples; You can exercise day in and out and eat well.. yes, that will decrease your chances of getting ill. But I’ve seen some fit people get cancer.
You can spend your lifetime building your empire, focusing on your financial success.. in one day it can crumble down and you lose it all. Literally what you build in decades goes away in a day.
I’ve seen women wait their whole lives to have babies, and they lose their kids while giving birth.
I’ve seen people lose their entire families in a blink of an eye.
Others plan and wait to fulfill dreams their whole lives and don’t get to the day to make them happen. Or even they reach it, but they die young. Like someone I know of that waited so long to travel to a certain country, only for the plane to fall or another that just woke up to a regular day, headed to work, only to die of a sudden heart attack without reason. Just the way life is.
And sometimes, you can lose it all, only because you were 2 minutes too late. It was just 2 minutes. But that’s life.
You can’t control the natural forces. You can only control your attitude towards that fact that you are small in comparison with His greatness! And choose to have faith in believing this was for your own good and a blessing in disguise that either has saved you from something going wrong or redeeming you for something even better. NOTHING is in your hands no matter how well your intentions and/or how badly you wanted it. In one second, everything can shatter and erode away.. all you can do after that is once again, ACCEPT. Your true character reveals in the moments were things do not go as you’d planned or wished after all.
I have a million examples from my life as well but I guess enough. The conditions of life, you can never control them! That is weather, diseases, traffic, accidents, death, aging,.. you can only control your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.. and thus this means your responses or reactions.
I think the people that try the hardest and do not make excuses instead focus on their own self-effort will in the end, sooner or later, be rewarded bigger rewards. What you put in life is what you get out. You reap what you sow. But still if you look at the big picture, many things you can’t control. You can only do your best and hope for it… but that no guarantee your life will go the way you wanted/envisioned it.
So what’s the solution? Have humility.
Plant the necessary seeds in fertile soil and water them with the right thoughts and actions, but wait for your Source to make them happen. Give 50% to your self-effort and self-belief, and the rest is up to God. Turn to your Source for guidance.
On our journey of life we are given many lessons to help grow our spirit. Many situations and incidents that leave us feeling broken, used, lost,.. whatever the hardship maybe but that is for us to become into the person our Source has originally planned us to be. The spiritual gains will not happen at your schedule. This brings me to another reminder:
Whatever you are going through, no matter how hard, or how painful.. you are not alone, ever. Remember, this too shall pass. Stay strong, have faith, hope for the best and carry on. With a grateful soul and smile. You may not see it now, but even this pain will one day be useful to you.
I always get told things like, “You’re so strong,” “It’s amazing how strong you are even after all you’ve been through,” “I am not as strong as you..” I have to say, strength is nothing I was born with. It’s a choice. Just as weakness is a choice. I also have my breakdowns here & there.. and I let myself feel it all- the good and bad- knowing surely my tomorrows will be better days, why? Because I MAKE them better! If anything changing your state will not happen when you’re holding on to the same thoughts and belief patterns that caused them in the first place! It all starts with belief. Keep repeating you’re weak, you’ll not only stay that way, but you’ll lead a very irresponsible life. Empower yourselves! Even on the darkest of my days were I only saw death, I hanged on, because I know I have all the power in me to either change or accept.
Life is a battle, you will always endure loses, pains and suffering, so learn to overcome them through conquering yourself! Don’t let the tests that were sent to strengthen you, destroy you! And always remember your Creator at times of hardships as well as ease. Call upon Him and he shall respond.
Make a promise to yourself to keep moving forward, no matter the hardships on your road or how many times you stumble or fall. Choose to believe that better things are yet to come. Believe in yourself and your greatness above all. And work hard. If you work hard and believe in yourself and in the fact you CAN, then you’re already halfway there!
A difficult lesson to learn.. but one that carries truth: genuine prayers/supplications are always answered. But sometimes the better and best to happen doesn’t necessarily mean in this life, but in the after. The latter is the only lasting life anyways.
The most spiritual lesson is that of your own self-growth and actualization. Your Source will train you through life’s happenings to embrace your essence. It will give you the knowledge if you choose to seek it through experiences be it good or bad to reveal your truth, to make you live by your Soul and not your Ego. The truth is you are loved, whole, abundant, secure, worthy, and powerful all on your own. Whatever issues you are facing are usually because you are disconnected from your Source. God sends you struggles to bring you back to his path. He created you weak, we all make mistakes, to repent your way to His unconditional love. You will be continually brought to your knees in tears, not to be punished or belittled by the occurrences, but to be better and greater!
One last note, if you’re hanging on to someone or something just because you’re afraid to be alone or you’ve settled for so long, and/or it’s your comfort zone- realize that for as long as you hang on what’s wrong, you can’t have room for what’s right. As long as you cling to what you’re meant to let go of, God can’t give you what you truly need and deserve.
Stay you. Stay open. Feed your faith. Have humility. Stay patient. Stay focused on your needs. Take care of yourself. Trust the pace your life is going at. Trust that your Source knows what’s best for you. All you need and desire will unfold at the pace He sees is best for your own self development. Trust He knows when you’ll really be ready more than you do. And know that the more patient you are, the more treasures you will be granted.
So this is what I myself am doing. Add to all that’s mentioned, I’m smiling with gratefulness even if life hasn’t handed me what I need yet. I choose to trust that I will receive them in far greater ways than I imagined. The best days of my life and yours are yet to come!