I certainly wasn’t born a loner neither was the shy antisocial girl at a young age, but the total opposite. I also wasn’t a loner living abroad, but ever since I moved back to Egypt I found myself slowly becoming one. I preferred being alone than being around those that I will never belong to in spirit. And trust me, I’m never lonely. So yes, I became one. Why? Well here are my reasons:
(1) I met many people that taught me who I do NOT want to become and observed the lives I never wish to lead. I am a sincere individual. I’m open. I’m private. I have integrity and I respect other people’s personal integrity as well. I have firm boundaries and I have an agenda; it’s to follow my heart with rationale and do what I believe is right. I don’t compromise my values. It’s not something I hide, nothing I try to camouflage. Honesty is the only way I can live. I am a person of integrity, that I found many lack today too. So I prefer to keep to myself.
(2) I realized people feed off my energy, leaving me out of balance. I tend to over-give and I live with an open heart and not just mind. Plus, I always hated gossip and drama. Never got jealous or compared myself to others. Don’t do the girl/woman talks. I also don’t like talking about anyone but myself and the person I’m with, that’s if I’m interested only, which is rare.
(3) I realized all the power I need is within me. I don’t need the acquaintances or hypocrites. I actually love the haters and oppositions, shows that I have a character and ground I stand for. When you know and accept yourself fully, you don’t care for “fitting in” or pleasing others. I believe in being who you are and staying true to yourself, without trying to fit in the right people will find you one day. So don’t ever change or compromise yourself to be accepted by others.
(4) After years of being self-destructive- since I turned 19, I changed my lifestyle 180 degrees with self-improvement as it’s core, and it’s a daily basis aim. I wanted to put my energy into something greater; myself. I’ve always taken care others since a very young age that I seem to have neglected myself, but I learned that only when you’re taking care of yourself and are fit enough can you really help others. We all have an ethical obligation to other beings but the principal obligation is to yourself. I realized I matter. My health matters. My happiness matters. My sanity and wellbeing matters. My dreams matter. It doesn’t make me selfish or disloyal, but self-loving. This meant not only getting rid of things, habits, thoughts, relationships, and people that don’t serve me but also those that distract me from my goals.
(5) I learnt to know myself and to be happy with my own company. I learned to be dependent, responsible and self-controlled- instead of being codependent and playing a victim-identity.
Speaking of self and the victim-identity many love to play.. I will never sympathize or pity people that are living miserable lives, roaming through life like dead souls, because they “only care about the happiness of others”. That is no noble way to live, I definitely won’t applaud you for putting yourself last in your life and asserting you’re “selfless”- no you are not! You are victimizing yourself! The truth is, you can never make those you love- and claim to love you- happy, when you yourself do not own your happiness! And I say “claim” because I do not believe the ones that tell you they love you would let you live that way to posses their personal happiness instead. Why keep people in your life that lack their sense of self and are only with you to feed off of you emotionally and avoid their fears? You’ll notice these people are those closest to you; your spouse and/or parents! You must not be silenced. Reclaim your dignity and learn your worth! If they have an issue with who you are and what you deserve, let them watch you walk away!
(6) I also keep myself self-focused and absorbed in my passions, and thus busy.
(7) I have a whole world that lives inside of me, that is if I’m not happy with where I am or who I’m around I shift within. I am very social but reserved. I choose the people I talk to and find worthy of my friendship wisely. Because I do not go into relationships to fill some void within or just for company’s sake or to take/gain from the other. I go in to give- not just with my words, but my time, spirit, and heart. I am what I show. Unlike most people, they are what they hide. I don’t fake, I don’t care to please, I don’t put up an act for applaud or pity. I won’t sell you a perfect image of self or family or whatever it is, my life is anything but perfect. I only have me to offer and my truth to share.
(8) I realized the only approval and support I need is my own, not from others.
(9) I have very high standards and firm beliefs and ideals to almost everything in life. I don’t settle. I don’t do distractions. I also think time is the most valuable commodity that is not to be wasted, certainly not on the wrong people.
(10) I sought to lead a good life by example. I sought to be kinder than right.
(11) I have very high senses when it comes to others, I’m very sensitive to the energy of others. You know how everyone is told they should get rid of unhealthy, junk, processed foods from one’s life for a better longer more fulfilled living? Those toxic “foods” exist as HUMANS too! So ELIMINATE those that affect you negatively and/or are of no aid to your journey! Yes, YOU matter most!
(12) I learned to let go. To let go of those that are hindering my growth, those that take away from my life, those that bring me down more than up.. and those I’ve outgrown.I would never stay with someone I outgrow! The past 3 years.. I have outgrown MYSELF in so many ways. I learned to let go of that Salma I no longer am, to embrace the person I’m meant to become… the person I work so hard on improving from the inside out, and for no one’s pleasure other than mine! It’s sad to see many limited not only by their partners, but worst of all their own selves. We were made to soar high and shine our truth, not settle low and live in denial!
All the above meant less friends.. but the friends I do have.. our bond is beyond real and invincible. The love, respect, understanding and intimacy overflows boundlessly. I’d take a bullet for them without thought.
I’ve always been misunderstood, labeled, found as ‘crazy,’ ‘fucked up’.. well you name it it’s all been said to me and passed as judgments. What I can tell you is small mundane minds can never understand great free spirits. These minds exists in large numbers as crowds, some maybe an entire society… they know of and only accept one way to live that is restricted within their realm of ordinary mediocrity. My mind, soul, and heart are too great for these mediocre populaces to ever grasp. One can never expect more for her/himself unless you become more. A deceiver deserves only a deceiver, an impassionate mundane strives with his fellow mediocre dull ones, and the liars hang with other liars. Don’t become what you hate for someone else’s sake or because you’re afraid of being the odd one out. Anticipate more for and from yourselves, and you’ll attract the same caliber of individuals. I think this world suffers from fatal normality. Everyone wants to be accepted by all! The first step to being your true powerful self is to strip away all that symbolizes mediocrity in your society. We humans, were made to adapt to every situation and environment- but not blindly. Besiege yourself with people that ask more of you than you do, enough belittling. You don’t succeed in life by “fitting in”! To live this life fully, by your truth, with an open big heart, and embrace your greatness.. you must be willing to be hated, envied, mocked, sabotaged, and misunderstood. And it shouldn’t matter what the entire world thinks of you, be it highly or not- or if they are all against you.. all thats matters is your own self beliefs and opinions. I stand my ground alone, and that’s my assurance to self-love and greatness. Yes, I always long to belong, but I will never settle for mediocre or traditional. Till I find the people that are truly my home, I am my abode for all that I seek in life. Stay strong, by staying you.
The one significant life lesson to learn before it’s too late is that LIFE IS TOO SHORT. Live it for YOURSELF, your way, with integrity and compassion- that is all you need to serve others well. Recognize happiness is a choice and choose it. Practice to seek answers from within you- don’t rely on outside sources, other people, or relationships to define or complete you, set your own value, love yourself most. Surround yourself by those that affect you positively. Be with the one you love, the one that brings out your best, with whom you can grow. Take care of your health. Let go of the past, view the memories without pains, and live in the most vital time, which is THIS moment! There really is no time to waste! First step to living the life you want is letting go of the one you don’t! Only you have the power to change. Only you can create a beautiful tomorrow. And only you can choose to live this life fully with honesty, grateful for every breath.
One last vital message: solitude is your time to self-reflect and self-discover. It is your time to face your own truths and shadows. If you can’t understand, accept, enjoy your own self and company, you’ll never be able to do that with others truly.