To all my dear subscribers and readers,
I hope you have all been better than well.
This post is more of a personal ramble leading to an update on the blog, as usual, with advices. I hope it flows easily as you read for I am writing quick from my heart without revision.
So there I was worried about turning 24 and not being anywhere in my life as I’d planned emotionally, professionally, physically, and personally. Worst of all was the fact my parents still insisted keeping me by their side in a country I never belonged in “till marriage”- I thought my life was over.
Well, my life literally turned around. It started with me going into my cave of darkness for a few days- if not weeks- I need time to breakdown and reinvent myself. After all, I’ve been through a lot in my life.
I recognized a lot of bottled up anger. And for those of you dealing with anger, know it is energy, just like most feelings. Don’t bottle it up, release it wisely: dance it out, hum, scream loudly, shake your body like a little child, move and make noises like no one is watching! Just recreate the flow of emotions with your body; pour it out and let it go! So other than being crazy and child-like I’ve also been doing a lot of yoga to help me with my emotions. And another thing that helped me stay grounded is conscious mindful BREATHING. There’s so much power and life in your breath! It’s not just enough to remember to breathe, sometimes it’s vital to do so and DEEPLY with your eyes closed! Slowly, and then rapidly. This world is so fast pace, it’s necessary one takes a moment every day to be still and silent. Breathe all you want in this life in and what you do not out. Know that all you need exists within you. Believe so, and see and feel that energy of power and renewal within you!
Secondly, I then progressed to a life where my only response to “How are you?” was “Thank God alright”.. I was starting to change my life plan totally thinking my dreams are too far out of catch now.
Meditating and yoga helped me overcome another fear. I became finally able to tell myself “NO”. That I am NOT “lonely”, that “I am NOT going to be alone forever cause I can’t find a man of standards,” and that I won’t settle just cause I am feeling this way and live a life and have a marriage like the rest. It’s true the only stability I want in my life is maybe with a lifetime companion in the sense of what we share within- common character qualities, passions, and values. But my life.. I don’t like it being stagnant. The whole idea of someone for a lifetime scares the shit out of me only because I see how boring and dead couples get after they settle. If I’d want someone it would be one that will join me on a journey of change, growth, freedom, madness, and play. Yes, play. But other than that, I hate the typical life “duties” society has appointed to everyone as spouses or parents. I hate routine. I wasn’t made to stay in the same place for long. I wasn’t made to sit still or be quiet. I need challenge. I need change. I need to keep moving. And if I ever came to need someone, it’s won’t be one that tames my free spirit and locks me up in a mundane lifestyle decorated with money, pictures, and acquaintances. Don’t need that, my best lifetime companion is after all myself. So meditation and yoga united me back with my true free spirit and open big heart and mind. I realized, you can’t run from the fire when it’s coming from within you. So I embraced it constructively, to build myself up instead of tear myself down.
I decided, to not let my age choke me in confinement of where I should be in my professional and personal life. Above all, to not let society and my parent’s tame my free spirit and big heart. “I am here for a reason still, got to make the best out of what I got,” I told myself. But then there’s always this second voice that goes, “You’ve been living in your mind for years as an escape this place isn’t for you.. get out! Stop the self-denial. Life is so much easier and better elsewhere surrounded by those that not only finally understand you but share your same energy…” But I chose the more empowering thought.
I like to remind myself through every hardship, ‘unfair’ circumstance, and loss that God is simply preparing me for something greater. Life is all about preparation and timing. Even if what I was being prepared for is simply a new me and not a new ‘good’ occurrence granted.. that’s greater! Because when you make yourself better and choose to grow- YOU change your world to the brighter. Make yourself, make your life.
So here’s so all of you the free-spirited: forget society’s expectations. Forget those pointing fingers and talking. Forget what your parents want you to do and become. Who do you want to become? What do you want to do? Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be with? Get out in this world and do you and only you! Create yourself, your life, and your happiness without anyone interfering. Others will always have judgments and expectations that you can never fulfill “enough” to pass… because they’re insecure with their own selves and lives.. they once had to kill their passions, souls, hearts and dreams to please others. Don’t be one of the many typical today. Be you.
Then, the big change: suddenly I get news that a few of my dreams are coming true, overnight. It’s quite astonishing how one’s life can change not only overnight.. but just in a few short minutes. If it’s written for you, it’s written. Might take longer than you wished or planned.. much much longer even.. but what’s meant to be will be as long as you keep your head up and never give in or up!
I also find it crazy that at my age so many have already reached the conclusion to their life and are stuck in daily routine and lifetime commitments and burdens.. and then I think.. Fuck, my life hasn’t even begun! My journey has yet to restart 😀 I’m sure many prefer the known to the unknown. Not me— I’m feeling so very excited for all that has yet to come as uncertain as it maybe for us all.
You know what’s even greater? I’ve earned this patiently! The greater the wait, the bigger the rewards in life. Good things don’t come easy or fast. Especially if you want them to stay permanent.
I’m so ready to not just live, I am ready to be, give, and do my best everyday. I am ready to laugh harder and louder. Sprint and dance stronger and faster. I am ready to be among my home, my people of similar mindsets, hearts, and souls. I am ready to love more. I am ready to fly higher, way higher! Time to be alive and through my right intentions every day.
In the next 3 months I’ll be doing a lot of traveling, I will be journaling in my books but can’t guarantee much posts although will do my best.
I have a few advice’s to share before going MIA.
For the years I’ve spent my life in Egypt I’ve always been misunderstood, judged, labeled, envied, and hated I never had these problems abroad. To the contrary, I flourish there among my people. I dreaded the fact I’d have to be here for much longer, or even one day may have to marry someone from here and be as mundane and spiritless as the majority. But here’s my advice: do not ever be silent, tame your spirit, or even lower your voice to fit in. Stand your ground. Scream your truth. Do not be succumbed into everyone’s way to be. I personally fully accepted myself: I’m honest and loud when it comes to who I am and what I stand up for. I don’t hide, not even my flaws or mistakes. I don’t follow numbers and groups, I prefer walking alone.
It’s unfortunate that the majority of people today are what they hide and are silent about… and that their talk and images are empty acts to be accepted by and/or please others. It’s sad they need false acquaintances beside them to feel strength, value, or wholeness.
This is why I honor myself for being hated 🙂
Another point, I look back on life and I realized the only thing I regret is time and energy wasted on the wrong people. You’ll regret nothing in this life more than that I believe, especially when you’re giving of yourself and fully. You’ll regret even more if you think you can change them. Passionless souls will remain like that. Unambitious characters will only talk you out of your dreams. Insecure people will merely bring you ambiguities, doubts, and/or drama. Value your time and energy and reserve them highly! Stay focused on your mission to self improve and not always thinking you can help, change, fix or save others. Let your self treatment be the example of leading. Don’t let anyone sidetrack you from yourself and purpose. Don’t let people involve you in their shit. With that said you do need at least one experience with a wrong person just for you to become the right one for yourself and nobody else! Once you’re at your best, watch how your relationships will transform and whom and what will then come into your life.
Moreover, the people mentioned about would be more in the toxic category. I also learned that as you get older you realize people with zero energy become just as toxic as those with negative energy. It maybe even a worse scenario cause at least negativity can be your tool to learn to transform that energy to positive and grow you to a better you. But what’s really bad is to find masked comfort with someone that doesn’t cause you flames within, challenge you, set you free, allow you to be yourself fully only because they’re so shut with themselves, converse with you openly, and bring out your best- instead make you robotic like they are. You don’t need to get rid of them like extremely negative people but limit time with them so you’d meet others that would set the fire to your soul, mind, and heart and allow you to fly higher.
Finally I wish I’d seen the bigger picture to life and not let myself get to caught up with the unnecessary and small issues. But that’s the thing, when you have the wrong people in your life they dim your light and shut you within in every way. They make it all about them. Don’t give anyone that power. Don’t get too caught up in a situation/scenario. Do not let yourself be consumed in emotion. Do not let yourself dwell in unnecessary thoughts. Always see the bigger picture! You’ll realize nothing and no one gone wrong or parted is the end- to the contrary, it’s the start to a new brighter more beautiful beginning. And above all, a renewed more open you. Life is still full of beauty even during your dark days. Get out and embrace it! Watch the sun rise and set. You just have to trust, surrender, and let go. Live with your heart and mind open. Be grateful. And love love love.
Much love to you all,