I’d previously written I won’t have the time to update much due to my constant traveling that I’ve begun since Mid-March… but yes, I’m constantly overflowing with thoughts and inspirations I can’t not! So here is a list I’d written on my iPhone Notes.. a list of what I stopped when I started truly loving myself innately. The points are listed according to my thought patterns and not importance.
When I started loving me, I stopped:
Caring whom likes me or not. Lately I focus on the many that love me and matter and no one else! I’m too busy loving those love me to bother with those that don’t.
Thinking I can change and save people. You can’t and it’s not your duty anyways. If you must change or save someone, let it be yourself!
Being hard on myself and talking negatively within my mind. Our bodies follow through with our thoughts. The biggest lesson of all has been self-compassion/forgiveness.
Getting stuck in the past. I now have closed many books and clearly see and can’t wait for my brighter better days and memories!
Not being present. I aim to be mindful in all I say and do and focus on today and no further.
Stressing out and worrying about the future. As long as I stay self focused and true to myself I can just let life on fold on it’s own- I have no doubt it’ll be in my favor!
Ignoring my body; it’s needs and cues. I stopped emotional eating. I am working on removing the foods I’m sensitive to one by one no matter my love for them out of habit or taste.
Rushing myself around particularly in the mornings. I’ve been taking my time every morning and have my daily rituals and spiritual practices that set my intention for the day right.
Rushing through injuries cause I can’t take being bed-sentenced. Either you suck it up for a few months or live your lifetime not fully healed cause you didn’t listen to your body and let it rest to recover fully.
Being impatient. The longer the wait, the greater the gain.
Reacting out to others negativity and hate. Nothing’s greater than having someone burst out at you in spite and you still maintain your peace of mind and add to that give them kindness and love in return!
Treating people how they treat me. I treat people out of kindness because that is who I am regardless of how terrible they’ve been to me. But for those that are so toxic to me and will not leave me alone, ignoring is the best thing to do by far!
Going out too often that I have no time alone.
Feeling anxious or nervous if I’m ever at an event or take myself out for a date alone.
Slandering. I learnt that not because it’s true need I tell others the bad traits of someone, I choose to speak only of those I know very well as in my family and best friends or myself only. If I don’t have anything nice to say about a person I’d rather not speak at all- yes, even if they’ve done me wrong and hurt me. I leave that between God and I.
Deeming vulnerability as a weakness. It’s true strength to let your walls down and/or hand yourself cut open to another. Just watch your expectations and don’t forget you’re responsible for you and not no one else you get involved with!
Being party in gossip, I personally never gossip but now I just walk away if I’m sitting among those that do- I don’t lend my ears!
Eating meat. While I still eat some fish and seafood sparingly, simply because I love the taste and my body digests them well, I just can’t do meat anymore since yearsssss! I also don’t label myself, I simply eat a more plant-based diet.
Like above, I quit trying to label and define myself.
Shopping a lot. I don’t like to waste money on extra things I don’t need even if I can afford them. I’d rather give to charity and/or travel more.
Criticize or judge others. I’m not of judgmental nature but I’m talking in the instance where it’s people that have hurt me, spoken badly of me, won’t leave me live peacefully examples… I now am fully empathic and compassionate towards them. As well as, indifferent.
Watch TV or listen to the news. News are just depressing to me, always have been. And TV and movies are a waste of my time, I’d rather be out and living!
Checking social media. I use Facebook only primarily to update my thoughts that so many find inspiring and perfectly timed, and secondly to check messages from friends I have grown up with and met worldwide. I don’t check newsfeeds or others pages and pictures. I deactivate it for months and often, just because really! It’s easy to live without social media for me.
Checking my phone like my life depends on it. I hardly use a phone lately only to tell my family I’m alive and okay a few times a week!
Taking numerous pictures to upload. I keep my journeys details to myself. And I’m too busy enjoying to recall cameras exist most days!
Investing my time and energy in people and situations that not only don’t add to myself and life but distract me from my true journey.
Giving my thoughts and energy to those that can only harm me. If I need to feel safe all I need is calling out to God.
Swearing as much. Although I do believe those that swear are more honest when it’s naturally released… but I’ve learned that strength lies in controlling your tongue and getting your point through calmly without offending anyone. If you want to be heard, you got to keep it short, simple, and respectful.
Checking my weight on the scale. I use my mirror reflection and the way my clothes fit to keep check with my physique. Numbers are nothing when it comes to determining your health and fitness.
Wearing heels. I don’t care if being in flats isn’t feminine enough or if I’m petite and short. I got all the confidence today without heels on than ever before! Plus I prefer being barefoot personally.
Being lazy and ungrateful. Our health is indeed our greatest wealth, I make sure to move my body every day. And there is always something to be grateful for in our every day.
Drinking alcohol. Pure poison.
I stopped listening to others only to talk, I now listen to listen without the urge to immediately respond.
Insisting to be in control and right. Many times winning is surrendering.
Putting makeup (by makeup I mean concealer) and commercial products. I only use organic and mostly homemade products for my skin and hair. If I wouldn’t eat it I try to not put it on my skin. My idea of makeup now is a tinted all-natural vegan lip balm with SPF and a mineral sunblock. Never have I felt more beautiful, and on the days my eyes look tired I simply embrace them and rest better! No more concealer for me!
Dying my hair (yes the picture is of me indeed, some quick iPhone snaps right after waking up one morning.. and yes my hair is indeed dyed for the most part but finally it’s growing and never again lol). Lessons learnt! Never putting chemical dyes in aims for “new looks” anymore- simply not worth how it destroys ones hair in texture, weight, and length- even if at points the look helped me feel as though I’m about to embark on a new beginning!
Not following and trusting my intuitions instead lying to myself to fit an ideal I set and so on. I’m choosing to follow my gut instincts.
Needing others to feel company. I’m so fulfilled alone now that I’ve become my greatest entertainer, companion, lover, and best of friend.
Making excuses for others, or myself even.
Feeling incomplete without a man. I’m all the qualities I need in one and being single for me is a joy!
Trusting someone and his/her words more than myself. Trust in yourself above anyone else!
Letting my family’s judgments and harsh words get to me, particularly my mother. I don’t take anything to heart. I don’t allow them to push me to my worst. I simply listen and be bigger and better. They only know one way, I’m too open minded and hearted to be shrieked by their means to get me to be whom they wish I was. I simply offer them compassion and don’t add fuel to the fire.
Blaming others for my pain, even if they betrayed me. I see myself as the composer of every ounce of hurt I feel and I choose responsibility and change.
Attaching myself to a person, a relationship, or an outcome. I have learned to see the beauty in goodbye and detachments. If I am ever attached to anything it’s a goal, purpose, dream, or God- nothing and no one tangible.
Craving someone to take care of me, especially growing up as a child with no one to do so. I’ve learned to take care of myself.
Feeling I need someone. Lately, I feel I need nobody but myself and God!
Searching for where I belong. It’s no must to belong or have a “home”.
Not confronting, avoiding, or ignoring my feelings- even the supposedly “bad/negative” ones. I always choose confrontation and allow myself to feel and then use whatever it is I felt constructively.
Going about my days without a plan. I need to plan every hour before I sleep at night.
Being ashamed of crying. Real people with strength drop a few tears with a genuine smile in front of their enemies even.
Believing in “the One”. There is no “one”, there’s only you and others you attract that are here to help you discover more about yourself, heal your childhood wounds and past traumas and unleash your self-power.
Loving the idea of fallowing and being “in love”. I stayed in one relationship even after it died for years- now I know better than to waste myself and time. And I no longer “fall in love,” I rise in it! That’s what happens when you love yourself first and foremost and are mature emotionally.
Compromising myself and my personal boundaries for others. Don’t do it. Nothing’s worse than losing yourself even if it’s in another and in the name of love! Boundaries keep you healthy!
Having to explain myself to others or justify things. If they need justifications to why I am who I am or to challenge their fixed judgments or what I did (which is none of most peoples business anyways) then they’re not worth my knowing!
Seeking to be understood, similar to the point mentioned above. As long as I know myself and fully compared my essence and needs- that’s all that matters!
Fearing aging and death. I see life and beauty in both now.
Believing in someone’s words more than his/her actions. Words are cheap, let me tell you. Let ones actions guide you to their truth. And like I always said, best determinant for future behavior is past behavior.
Believing that someone that doesn’t love himself can love me. They cannot, period. If they do it’ll be selfish and will kill your heart and soul sooner or later.
Thinking love is only romance and can found in a man. Love is everywhere, it’s the air you breathe in… it’s all within you if only you destroy what you built within you that’s resisting it.
Restricting my spirit to look more “normal” or fit into society or because a man or my family that supposedly “love” me tell me so. I burst out laughing and dancing anywhere or time. I don’t care to fit. I don’t care for approval. I will never let anyone tame me again. My voice will always be loud and I shall always stand out with my head held up high!
Comparing my life to that of others that seem they have it handed easier. Thankfully I’ve never compared my body and all that like most women. But yes I’ve quit questioning why life has been so difficult and unfair to me at points and for long.
I stopped counting my losses and I see my blessings. They’re all that matter. What’s even more astounding is most of my blessings came disguised as losses indeed!
And lastly, I stopped being an uptight serious adult all the time. I turn 24 this June and I never felt younger and fresher! I put humor and so life into everything. I am learning to embrace the child in me more as I grow older 🙂 hence my laughing mania, I am master at cracking not just others up- but myself as well!
The most paramount gain of all has been myself. I wake up and see my reflection in the mirror what I see is the honest beautiful woman I am growing into- on a daily basis too. I see my pure loving spirit shining through my eyes. I find that I finally accept every inch of my body and honor it. I see the amazing mother I am- although I have not given birth yet indeed. I see all that I am capable of. I see a smile that is genuine, a mind that is conscious and positive, and a spirit that is free and vibrant. I feel how vast my heart is and I am certain I have enough care and love for the world! I love me, the whole of me, inside and out.