In my interactions with women I have come to find that so manly just flat out fully hate themselves. They hate their skin, their wrinkles, their stomach, their breasts, their stretch marks…basically their bodies as a whole. It is truly rare today to find a woman whom not only believes but knows and feels with all her might that she is enough and beautiful just as she is.
Many woman think that what they mask is their true self, that is, what they hide becomes them (their wrinkles, dark spots, acne, scars, puffs). Morning and night, they would stare at their reflection in the mirror and they see nothing but their flaws. The more they placed emphasis on them, the more they deduced their essence, truth, and value to what they deemed as imperfect. One’s self-perception becomes extremely unhealthy, and it becomes a subconscious habit; their brains become wired on the need to always find a flaw, thinking there is always something to improve or enhance to finally “be confident and happy”.
This quest for beauty and perfection is nothing but a delusion and a game that only gets harder as one ages. You spend your thoughts, time, money, and energy on things that make you lose parts of yourself. Many women already know it, the game never ends. You sign up for one plastic surgery, the next thing you know there isn’t a body part you have not retouched. You will never win, you will never be enough. And there will ALWAYS be someone younger and “more beautiful”.
It is such a shame that so many women, if not all, get consumed in jealousy, envy, and despair when among another woman or a few they perceive as more beautiful that they are. They then opt to find whatever flaws they could have in the other’s characters or wrong they have done just to feel a little better about themselves, temporarily at least. Why do women do that? It is fear based definitely, supported by the thought that just because another woman has better skin, a hotter body, nicer hair, a prettier face, etc. then she can effortlessly get what she wants. Suddenly the woman that is more visually pleasing is a threat to her insecurities, life, and marriage (if she has one). When a woman gets consumed in another woman’s beauty she forgets her own.
Fear is also why we wonder things like “If I put on this many pounds or if in a few years I do not look as beautiful- will my friends still be by my side? Will my partner abandon me?” It is a fear of not being accepted and thus, loved. We all want to be loved. But like said, what we cannot accept and love ourselves, others cannot.
The Woman I’d Check Out In Admiration
As a woman, I admit, it is in our nature to check each other out. Personally, I can say I have set ideals to what kind of woman may catch my eye and I would tell her genuinely how beautiful she is- and that is a woman that radiates beauty within. I can tell from the energy she gives off, the way she takes care of and carries herself, her speech, and the wrinkles on her face. Their soul’s glow through their eyes and their energy is inviting.
I can tell from the wrinkles on one’s face what type of person that person is- or more like, how they dealt with and reacted to the life they were given. Some dealt with life’s hardships, losses, and griefs with peace, love, and grace and navigated this life in integrity, responsibility, humility, compassion, and self-esteem..they were grateful even for the worst. In the meanwhile, many others played victims and spread blames, avoided nurturing themselves and their self-esteems, and went through life envious and spiteful towards others not knowing these feelings are primarily felt towards themselves. They want to be pitied and they share with others anything but their truth, they are what they hide. They cover up in layers of make-up, ornaments, clothes, and false acquaintances. They compare themselves to others. The first aged gracefully and the latter quickly and without grace.
The woman I would admire is the one that would inspire me to be healthier, fitter, stronger, and more open and disciplined. She is one that would inspire me with her aura and presence, regardless of her size so as long as she is someone that obviously put herself, her health, her needs, and happiness first- there is no doubt her self-esteem will radiate and cannot go unnoticed by women of the like. a woman that is an independent, passionate, fit, and a disciplined dreamer. She feels all the love and worth she needs even being on her own! Above all, she will not be belittled or defined by society or whomever.
To the women that are addicted to comparing themselves: just quit it, for like said before their will always be another that is younger and prettier. In your lifetime, it is only you that matters and can change and shape your inner and outer world. It is only you that has the power to be and feel beautiful, inside out.
What Is True Beauty?
Here is a fact to contemplate:
True beauty in a woman that is to be admired by another should set you free and inspire you- and not leave you in envy and despair. You bless it and you are inspired, period. True beauty is an energy, it is an energy lights up one’s eyes and face. It is an energy that perceives a body that is not taken for granted and is strong and healthy. It is a beauty of being present in today and allowing people to see the true you knowing the only acceptance you need is your own.
The true beauty I am taking about is not something that requires a person to see, it is something that even the blind can feel. They can tell who is good/beautiful and bad/ugly according to their soul and energy- they need not see one’s face or body at all for that matter.
It is just like in yoga when we say “Namaste” which translates to: the light in me sees the light in you. You will not see the light in another if you do not have it in you primarily. Another quote I love by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, “People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.”
The Impact Of Cheating
Next on comes the story of the million of women that only recall to take care of their looks and “enhance” them after their spouse/partner cheats. It is actually sickening the degree of obsessions they have with the other woman and their impulse to alter their bodies to an extent they would sign up for surgeries blindly (those that have the cash at least).
The majority of women are relationship driven creatures, they subconsciously and habitually sit and contemplate their lives based upon all the relationships that did not work out, the rejections they got, the partners that cheated, the lovers that got away, and all the conversations that made them cringe and they tend to do so only to focus on what they did wrong and take that wrong and weigh it on their worth as though that was why the relationship ended, the partner/spouse cheated, and so on. Women do not see these occurrences and tragedies for some as a blessing and revelation to what they truly need, desire, and deserve.
Does it occur to women that the reason someone they love betrays them or lets them down may have something to do with them, WITHIN and no their looks on the outside? A lot of times, if not always, women think they need to change their looks (get fresher, younger, “hotter”…whatever really) and then their inside will be better because their spouses/partners will notice them, give them more attention, and love them more… really? It is anything but that! You will probably be betrayed further because you are betraying yourself by not reflecting within and accepting and loving yourself as you are and TODAY. If you do not love yourself from now, it will happen when you make whatever superficial change. Like Barbara De Angelis has said, “If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.”
What you hold within you, energetically, is what shapes your outlook of yourself and the world. Our experiences are created through this mean. Each relationship gives you an opportunity to accept, love, grow, and heal yourself primarily and the other involved. You attract the like; the way I see it is the people you drawn to are there to mirror a part of yourself, back to you. For example, if you feel you are not worthy of love or have low self–esteem, you will attract someone that will treat you without value and love. Which is why one must approach and deal with relationships consciously in order to handle them through love (starting with oneSELF) and not doubts and conflict. The external always reflects your INNER world. Believe in yourself and embrace the love within you and all your relationships will be mindful ones with purpose and benefit.
What is more is many women fail to see that how they feel towards their body image is intertwined with sexuality. One cannot lead a healthy secure life going through it with an unhealthy insecure self.
Your relationship with another cannot succeed when you have failed at nurturing the one with yourself.
If you are constantly obsessing and worried about how you look and eternally attempting to hide and cover up what you perceive as flaws you cannot offer another your truth, vulnerabilities, and authentic and sexual self.
So I need to address my dear women, how can you want a man to not just accept but also love what you yourselves cannot? It’s impossible. Like I have said before in one of my posts; “How is it that you want someone in your life to treat you a certain way that you yourself do not? How is it that you expect someone to see what you do not when you look in your mirror? No one will take care of you, love you, respect you, show you care and affection, or see you as beautiful,… if you are not already seeing and being the person you want to be with in thoughts and habits. The person you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself! So BE the qualities you’d seek in your partner.”
Know that the only scenario a woman can change a man in is when he is a baby and she is his mother! Other than that, work on changing yourself, not your partner. Choose to free yourself from unhealthy relationships for your sake. Your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and happiness are under YOUR control- not his. “You yourself deserve your love, respect, care, and affection. By treating yourself that way your self-esteem and self-belief will grow and shine into all areas of your life. So look in that mirror and be sure of your value and beauty. Tell yourself you’re beautiful. Make time for yourself, foster good habits, for you become a product of them. Do what you like, passionately. Stay true to you. Laugh. Take care of your health and listen to your body. Treat yourself with the love and respect you deserve. Then you won’t have to worry about finding someone or being wrong relationships!”
On a final note:
Not only can you never give what you do not have and feel towards yourself, but you will not even know how to receive it when it comes! You can never attract what you are not even aware you deserve. Unconditional love and acceptance starts with oneself.
Nothings more true than Maya Angelou’s preaching of, “I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves and tell me, ‘I love you.’ … There is an African saying which is: ‘Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.’” Exactly on point.
The next post I will be taking about what I would define a beautiful woman as and what real men truly seek in a woman they would want to adore for their lifetime.