My Definition Of True Beauty
If you ask me to sum up beauty in one sentence I would say:
Beauty is your truth and essence, and above all it is an expression of the relationship which you have with yourself; a relationship that is healthy based on acceptance, respect, love, honoring, and celebrating one’s body, health, and self. That is to say, the one sentence really is as simple as: beauty is being healthy; healthy in mind primarily, body, heart, and soul.
Beauty, if it lies within you, you will see it with not just your eyes, but also experience it with your senses in yourself and others. If you see ugliness, then you need to reflect within to what is dark and unresolved inside of you.
Underneath your body, skin, bones, and organs lies a person that deserves unconditional acceptance that can lead you to a lifetime of self-love. Acceptance naturally leads to love and gratitude. Being your own worst enemy will get you nowhere in life and lead to your own self-destruction. Enjoy your body, enjoy the way you feel in it. When you look at that mirror, shut up the negative party in your mind and choose to talk to yourself kindly and choose love.
Let the sun rays shine upon your skin, let the rain soak you wet, and let the wind blow your hair.
How I Envision My Aged-Self
As I get older, I will not sit and wonder where this young 20 something year old I am today with perfect skin and hair went. I will exclaim: How beautiful it is to have worked hard, survived, and earned every wrinkle, grey hair, scar, and mark of my years? It is even more beautiful to embrace my aging than try to hide it like so many do. Why don’t I flaunt my age?
I want to continue getting fitter, stronger, faster, more endurant, and more flexible.
I want to continue to grow within.
I want to be like the child I was once I aged, if I live that long that is.
I want to be wild, unaltered, free, and without masks on.
I want to be my raw self.
I want to embrace both the pure and naughty in me.
I want to be remembered for the life I have lead, the teaching’s I have lived and not just said.
I want to be perceived through my soul, my goals, and accomplishments.
I want my face to reflect the battles I have not only won but conquered.
I want my wrinkles to be that of shared joy and laughter.
I want to paint my face with how I truly feel: a free young spirit no matter my age, a true heartfelt smile, humor, respect and love towards myself and others.. the list goes on.
I do not want to spend my days gazing at my mirrors reflection; I want to spend it out in nature and with my loved ones sharing laughs and lending hands.
I want to continue living and being alive, making use of my every day like it is my last instead of trying to erase my years away and trying to forget death is closer.
I want to spend the money I make on more adventure and helping others; if I cannot sprint, I will run, if I cannot run, I will walk, and if I cannot walk, I will crawl if I have to- but I will keep on keeping.
I want each etching of my body to tell a tale of love and life.
Beauty: A Blessing Or A Curse?
Many would always tell me, “I am already blessed with good looks, good hair, good skin,” (which is not entirely true, my skin certainly is not perfect every day of my life) so “it’s easy for me to talk.” The honest truth is beauty can be both a blessing and a curse.
In my personal experience, let me give some examples of how my looks were a curse; I Am hardly ever taken seriously in a workplace- it was always hard for my coworkers and ex-bosses to keep things strictly professional; I get sexually harassed; I lost the majority of my female friends to jealousy; heck my own mother would get jealous and bring me down with her words; I was being treated badly by men whom would tell me “I am too good for them”; I would get told that I am too self-absorbed; good guys are intimated by me; older men think they can possess me; married women take me as an immediate threat and think I am going to steal their husbands; I can hardly walk in the street alone; I am sexually objectified; people always talk to my boobs and not my face; people get shocked when I have an occasional breakout, or gain, or loose a few pounds it is like I cannot not be “perfect”; people unfortunately fail to see past my superficial outer image…
Having grown up in Paris with mostly model friends, it was early on my age that I found that those that were so “beautiful” on the outside forget there is an inside they need to work on. Reminds me of two African proverbs saying, “The surface of the water is beautiful, but it is no good to sleep on.” And: “If there is character, ugliness becomes beauty; if there is none, beauty becomes ugliness.” The biggest revelation I had was finding out that although they fit the ideal of media beautiful, with their long legs, perfect skin and hair and all that, they still lacked self-esteem. Not just that, they LOATHED themselves and starved and abused drugs and sex. They were jaw dropping to many but they were anything but powerful. That sort of beauty indeed fades either or, you will not be taking it to your grave I assure you. Instead of worrying and obsessing so much about being beautiful one must focus on what truly matters and is real beauty that is: Being kind, being honest, having sincere right intentions, behaving justly, and cultivating empathy. This starts by being such way towards oneself and only then can you be so towards others.
The Perfect Woman
You want to know who the “perfect” woman is? She is an illusion. She is reshaped, surgically enhanced, and flawlessly photoshopped. She is non-existent.
The question should be: What makes you as a woman truly stunning beautiful? First, know that the beautiful alluring woman is in each and every one of you. You are all unique and special in your own ways. Once you have tuned into that self-love through acceptance, you will never look at the mirror the same way again.
Being truly beautiful…
It is staying true to your heart and soul.
It is taking care of your health and self, holistically and for no reason other than you value and honor yourself! True beauty is being in good health.
It is that light in your eyes that shines in welcoming and embrace, starting with oneself and reflecting out on others.
It is putting the body you are blessed with to use and accepting the genes you were born with and gifted by God with. Like said by Kurt Vonnegut, “Enjoy your body, use it every way you can–don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.”
It is the wisdom that your heart carries that connects you with compassion to every woman before and after you.
It is the woman that has had the power to uplift others, no matter if they have put you down.
It is the confidence you walk in and that belief you have in yourself. I personally love this quote and always innately embodied it, “Confidence isn’t walking into a room with your nose in the air, and thinking you are better than everyone else, it’s walking into a room and not having to compare yourself to anyone else in the first place.”
It is the acceptance of your flaws knowing no human is flawless. The real ugliness lies in flaws within you that you do not change. Like Alfre Woodard said, “Everybody has a part of her body that she doesn’t like, but I’ve stopped complaining about mine because I don’t want to critique nature’s handiwork. My job is simply to allow the light to shine out of the masterpiece.”
It is accepting and understanding others with abundance.
It is resting when your body needs it and living carefree without spite or stress or envy or despair.
It is remembering that it is not just what you eat that can poison you, but what eats at you. That poison can be a wrong person you are attaching yourself to tightly. In this instance, beauty is detachment from what and whom does not serve you no matter how difficult it is to let go.
It is knowing you do not need that botox because it is part of nature we grow older, embrace nature and life! There is true beauty in growing older.
It is being kind, peaceful, compassionate, and sincere. Negativity, jealousy, envy, hate, and despair are beauties enemies.
It is being responsible for yourself and how you feel instead of going through life pointing fingers at others.
It is taking your pain, losses, and grief and others negativity and using it as your stepping stone to be a bigger and better you.
It is following your bliss and nourishing that light within you and sharing it with others.
It is radiating joy even if you have lost everything. It is being happy for no particular reason.
It is living through your healthy valued self-esteem. Self-esteem is the best and most sustainable investment that you can make. It is the one thing that will take you far in this life, and attract other like you through your journey to support you.
But…What Do Men Desire?
For those of you that are concerned with what men desire. If you want a real man, that will love you unconditionally, raise a family with you or just be by your side loyally and with full will all on his own.. it is not a man that loves you cause of your looks or bra size or clear skin, or big behind! Then this is what real men that deserve the same love you do really look for:
A natural woman, that is free of the makeup and feels no needs to hide her flaws.
A woman who’s beauty lies in her character, self-esteem, and confidence. Trust me, if you had the three mentioned you’d know to take care of yourself and expect no man or anyone else to do it for you and you would look your best for you and nobody else.
A woman with a genuine honest smile and one that can gaze another persons eyes in self-belief as she speaks.
A woman that can express herself constructively and work- just like mothers do- to bring others together and not apart with her ways.
A woman with an open heart and mind, that seeks to understand, listen, and be empathetic. One that does not immediately conclude her own negativity, be dramatic and judgmental.
A woman that although is asked to be responsible for so much in her life and has been handed many hardships still has her fun side and embraces that child within her always out to enjoy her every day without wishing for greater ones ahead. She does not wish her days away, she gets out and makes things happen.
A woman that will let no man or body cage her free spirit.
A woman that is honest and straightforward, and thus asks for what she needs.
A woman that is aware of her value and settles for no less than she deserves.
A woman that is better than fine on her own and can fly solo anytime or day.
A woman that is secure enough to leave her doors open and know that her man won’t stray. She need not play detective on him.
A woman that does not amount her worth to the scars, cellulite, and stretch marks she has. Instead, she is anything but ashamed of them and has stories behind them revealing her fighter spirit.
A woman that does not make herself smaller because of what has happened to her. She defines herself today and every day through her good speech and deeds, her past does not define her. Even if she has been wronged, she will not dwell on the wrong- she chooses to see the right and shine the light even through her deepest wounds.
A woman that is beautiful through her smile and the good positive energy she gives off.
A woman that is emotionally mature and thus, not codependent and overly attached. She is independent.
A woman that is classy, and let me tell you class has nothing to do with being rich.
A woman that does not need attention to survive and feel worthy.
A woman that can respect her man and fully.
A woman that can be intimate and keep her relationships and their problems as such, private.
A woman that is passionate about many things her life as well as her man and their relationship.
A woman that is intellectual, that reads, and has invested time in knowing and conquering her mind and inner world.
A woman that is strong and fit, mentally and physically so she would deal with whatever life hands her. Again, when one is fit and embodies strength it denotes a high self-esteem and self-love.
A woman that is ambitious and a dreamer. Her individual dreams do not die once she has with someone and married.
A woman that has a sense of humor and can crack her man up in laughter and smiles even on his worst of days, and she does to just by being herself and because she has gotten to know her men inside out, and not because she has mastered joking!
A woman that is not afraid to let a man kiss every inch of her body, know her fetishes, share her fantasies, and just get soul and body naked. She has got no layers, she is stripped to her bare minimum.
A woman that only says and does what she means.
A woman that leads by example of the love, understanding, and companionship she wishes to receive.
A woman that is present, pays attention, and is intuitive enough to hear her man’s heart beats and his soul smile as he gazes into her eyes.
A woman that loves herself, inside out.
And that is what makes a woman beautiful in their eyes. The big boobs, fake butt implants, lip injections…they get you nothing but unnecessary false attention and horny males I personally would not call men.
To conclude, I mentioned in the first part that is the previous post to this topic that true beauty is that light that you nourish within you. I feel the need to say, we all have darkness too especially if we have endured a lot in life; we all have shadows and we all have parts of ourselves we find less worthy than others, but clinging to and getting into the habit of practicing self-hatred does not make those shadows go away. It makes them stronger and sharper, you are giving the negative power by feeding on their existence. I am not saying to avoid the dark aspects of yourself either not at all! Confront, acknowledge, accept and release- then move on an place your focus and that emphasis on your health, love, and light.
I will end this piece with a quote to contemplate on and then a mantra we chant in yoga as a farewell message to all readers.
“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” – Carl Gustav Jung.
So dear women, ask yourselves who are you? Have you limited your definition to a body part? Are you what you don’t have and wish you did? Do you define yourself by your size and weight? Do you cling to your shape or ethnicity or gender or whatever else societal norms have set for you as your meaning? Or are you simply like me, a real woman with faith, dreams, self-esteem, independence, a big heart, an open mind, a free spirit, and with strengths and weaknesses?
Om Saha Naavavatu
Saha Nau Bhunaktu
Saha Veeryam Karavaavahai
Tejasvi Aavadheetamastu Maa Vidvishaavahai Om”