The more experiences you go through and knowledge you gain- especially if you use everything to your own personal and spiritual growth; the higher your standards rise. You learn precisely what you want in life and what you do not. Your self-love and respect will not ever allow you to settle, no matter how lonely you feel at points in life. You were patient enough to truly not only get to know and accept yourself but to fulfill your own needs and stay true to you that you would never allow anyone let you be any less than all you are.
Sadly however, although a healthy happy fulfilled individual, you still will find it harder than anyone to find someone you would want to be with and for a purposeful lifetime. It is not because no one sees your bright light and authenticity, and how you have embraced your uniqueness and dreams fiercely- to the contrary, you get approached every day even, and no matter their finances or looks or public status and image you still cannot settle.
You say no, because you know they are not right. You say no because you know the love you are capable of. You say no because there are character qualities and a spirit you seek that you will not compromise. You want more from your marriage and so, life than your parent’s approval, than societies applaud, and more than children to be the focus of your union.
The reason we cannot find someone so easily is because the majority of today’s people have settled from early on, forgotten themselves, and used outside sources to fill up what they should have fulfilled alone. Once again, we have high standards, so we expect you to suitor up and not us to lower down.
Of course it is easy for those of you that have nothing and no one to compare your current life to to think that what you got IS love and happiness, and is as true as it gets. In all honestly, you will not ever know what you are missing if you did not get to experience what you’re capable of towards and with another.
If you think love is seeing your partner around all day long in all his/her states, you find security in knowing you are tied to them by law, you enjoy the fact the public thinks you are perfectly happy in accord to your displays, and think that is all the love you need and as good as it gets although your partner’s totally emotionally distant.. then well, my bad for you. You are missing out on true love and life.
If you think that your man coming home every night is all the proof to love, well you are wrong.
If you think that just because you are close to his family so you know him and own him fully as yours, you are once again, wrong.
If you think it is okay that your partner cannot meet your emotional and/or physical needs for as long as they are just physically present, what a shame but as you wish.
If you think it is okay to die as an individual and together as a couple after a marriage and maybe a child or two or more, and get consumed in a life of responsibility of others and meaningless routines like machines forgetting yourself and your needs and calling that “sacrifice” when you despise your life and Self that you have abandoned deep down within..that is devastating.
If you as a woman find and refer to your man and what he gave you on paper and finances as “your everything,” and you equate your worth to him and without him “you have got, and so are, nothing,” good luck to you. Codependency is anything but for your own good!
If you think that you must have a child to guarantee your partner stays or for your to be able to have something to communicate about and to distract you from your own marriage; if you think you must have a baby so your parents can escape their own marriage through the grandchildren and tell you that is true happiness for them and “their lives rely on your grandkids” and you buy that unhealthy crap… well, I have to say it again, my bad for you. N
No person can ever belong to you and commit fully only through a paper, it has to come from him/herself- give them the freedom to love you and desire you. If they do not, they probably never will. You cannot force love. You kill it by doing so, and trying to posses another and denying what can never be.
As for your parents, it is not your job to give them lives to escape their own through, it is not your job to have their happiness in your hands and certainly not your personal life being the tool.
It is funny how most people assume that just because spouses have a child or two or a few even, then there is love and a healthy home. Unfortunately, it is far from the truth. I see so many spouses use the children as their only link and mediators.
What most people do not know is married couples are so emotionally distant to the extent they would only have sex as a job with a purpose: to conceive.
Most women do not know what it is like for her man to make love to her and for hours! Without the need to consummate. I hear of husbands that would have sex with their wives, not present just going through the motions and for them that is easy; but to kiss them and for long and randomly throughout their days as an expression of their love like a healthy couple should (without demand), it is no way. They are faced with the lack of emotions towards them in the simple affectionate gestures like kisses and cuddles. I know so many married couples, especially women, that have no idea what they are missing out when it comes to expressing love, and trust me, when a man loves you need not demand expression from him.
I want my children to be a product of my love for someone and his love for me, to complement our already strong inner bond. They are definitely not for my parents or his to decide when they should be made and brought to this life, if at all. My marriage will not be for or about children. It will be about him and I as a family, no one else.
Witnessing the unions of others I have come to learn that being stuck in a marriage, and especially one with kids, can be the worst and hardest of scenarios- it is not easy to break free for many reasons. Above all else, that nothing is worse than being with a wrong partner and for a lifetime, and having to sacrifice your own heart and happiness. To betray yourself and rights is the worst pain to live for and for your lifetime! Your heart becomes dark and diseased, and you cannot be you when you are this unhealthy and unhappy. Plus, they are only setting an unhealthy image for their children, no wonder the chain does not break; teaching them their own Self, needs, health, and happiness do not matter!
Moreover, seeing many close male friends of mine wish they would have waited for true love longer claiming being alone is a blessing and that the worst case scenario is indeed to be stuck by someone’s side and although present in body- not in heart, mind, or spirit- was very eye opening for me. Many deem that is natural with time, hardships, the decades, and children that simply drift away from your spouse. I believe that is entirely wrong, to the contrary, the love should get stronger. When you share a lot with someone, and throughout the years you find you have grow apart instead of together you either were not right for each other from the start or your efforts are unrequited. The truth is- the more you share, the more you do together, the more intimate you get, the more you know and confide in one another that you become reflections; the stronger your inner bond and love.
I am not even sure how to conclude this, but for those of you that got married early on in aged and/or inexperienced, those of you that have made your marriage and so life all about pleasing others even when you are unhappy, those of you that think you know true love and life and I do not, those of you that think a woman’s purpose to have children and stay at home and that is her success and happiness, those of you that think marriages should be hard and that the love dies naturally, those that think all men cheat; it is all bullshit you tell yourselves caused you do not love yourselves enough to walk away into the unknown and better.
My real message is: to each their own way of living. If you are happy with a mask on and living in delusion, good for you. I will never be like the majority. If you are happy as a woman just sacrificing yourself for your kids, good for you. Do not expect that to guarantee you their loyalty and future nor an entitlement to make them live like you wish you had. If you are happy cause the world knows you got a husband, a roof, a car, in-laws, and a child or two and that is enough for show, then good for you. I do not want any of this.
I know I am scrutinized in these Middle Eastern societies for how I am a very open heart and mind, I speak loudly and clearly in all honesty, I have no taboo topics I would not express and fully. I am getting older in age and still reject marriage to just anyone for the sake of it, and also, how I am “beautiful with many guy friends” and yet, many cannot believe our friendships are purely just that…instead, I must be some player or I am not marriage-material or whatever else. I have nothing to explain or to defend, my life is my own. Let me tell you, while you age bitterly every day only caring to portray anything but your truth; as you lie, deny, and hide from your own truths and selves, I am only going up higher.
Today I am single because it is a choice. Why this choice? Because I have not found the right man yet, and he is one of character qualities and not looks or money. Because as the time passes, I grow more beautiful, inside out. I am on my way to my best body ever, I look better naked than I ever have much younger! I am growing to the bigger and better. I am wise, I am strong, I am loving, I am honest; and above all, I am free to be myself fully. I need no man that will cage me, change me, ask me to sacrifice myself and needs and rights, bear kids for him like it is my only purpose, that will satisfy my emotional and physical needs, that cares about others thoughts and his image, that cares to please anyone outside of us or does not want the same exciting wild ride of marriage I want! I have no doubt I will make an extraordinary wife and mother one day, God willing. I have no doubt every day will be a happy one with my partner filled with adventure, affection, friendship, play, maturity, freedom, passion, respect, and love. So I am single because contrary to most and your beliefs:
As I get older, my price gets higher and alongside my standards. MUCH higher than I thought possible!
The fact you get smaller and uglier inside- and blame others you are “stuck with” for it, or not- is not any of my business. Settling for me is out of question. My heart will never let me settle. My light will not dim.
If I cannot stay loyal and committed to myself, my truths, my needs, my wants, and my dreams then I cannot be so with any another person.
My personal relationships and one day marriage will never be for social media and your entertainment to escape your own lives anyways.
And let me tell you: I am in love every day. I experience love with everyone. I mother any child I can. I give give give, without conditions. That is a life lived well. I am healthy, I am happy, and I make sure I am only of good energy to others. And I wish you all the same 🙂
“We are all pieces of the same ever-changing puzzle; some connected for mere seconds, some connected for life, some connected through knowledge, some through belief, some connected through wisdom, some through Love, and some connected with no explanation at all. Yet, as spiritual beings having a human experience, we are all here for the sensations this reality or illusion has to offer. The best anyone can hope for is the right to be able to Live, Learn, Love then Leave. After that, reap the benefits of their own chosen existence in the hereafter by virtue of simply believing in what they believe. As for here, it took me a while but this progression helped me with my life: “I like myself. I Love myself. I am myself.”