What Lies Within You

There is power in words, but above all, the power to change through what you utter is in the intent behind them. An intent that is embedded in your subconscious and remains between you and your other selves within (the light and darkness, we are all made of both).

There is so much I preached that was WAY easier said than done, but with certain emotions, it is really a journey of forward and backwards to master them. Take for example, jealousy.

I felt it for the first time in my life last year. I know that to feel that stab of envy within you, denoted that I have work to do on myself in that field. And that is all it was: I was jealous that someone accomplished more than me in the professional field, meanwhile I was distracted by nonsense among the wrong people.

I acknowledged the lessons and learned that two main things encumbered me in achieving all my life goals:

Firstly, I was so focused on helping others that were not capable of really receiving my gift. I literally lived for others putting myself last, and let them eat me up for every meal of their day. By the end of each day, I had no more energy left in me for myself.

Secondly, it was the fact I wanted to do it all. I have so many passions I did not merely want to pursue and practice, but also, wanted to master even knowing the the truth that you cannot master several crafts at once. You need to stick to one. It certainly is not possible with time, financial, physical, and energy limits. We are human, we break.

The most successful people are the ones that divide and dedicate their time wisely, they don’t scatter it all over.

With that in mind, I re-prioritized, started fresh, and focused on my journey. I chose to use those that were further on the success ladder because they stayed self-centered as inspirations. I shared my admiration as they did with me. It was ironic to speak to that person and find that I could be inspiring too. I have long been working on my spirit, and in that sense I feel successful: I have cleaned up my childhood baggage, mastered my inner world and emotions, but the truth is, I was not satisfied with what is outside.

It such a beautiful thing to acknowledge and share the greatness in one another in respect and humility. There will always be someone better than you at things, but that is were our uniqueness lies. We are each here to add a gift to this world, and above all, to one another. Let greatness inspire you to work harder, instead of be bleak and make excuses to yourself!

So I did me. I started taking more action to create what I want in life. The first step was letting go of so many people and things, unfortunately. And in doing that, many may have called me selfish but I can only hope the life I lead acts as the set example to inspire those around me.

I also pray for those in need, those that see no light within themselves, and those that spread hate. I always preached to pray for your haters, they need it most. Let me be honest about this one too…

Nothing is harder than thinking of the one person who wronged you and wishing them well, and by that I mean not just in words, but in the depth of your core you would wish them health, happiness, and the very best. This is probably the key to how I knew for sure that I have reached a peace, harmony, and equanimity within, and that I am responsible and mature in dealing with truths and emotions: It is when I am on my knees in prayer and can shed tears and genuine wishes for those that wanted me destroyed and probably still do. I do not even want them to know I wish them what I wish myself, it is all about me. An inner peace. But yes, it took me months, if not years, to reach that. I would say it, but could not feel that peace and love towards them within. I would think of the person and pain would overwhelm me in wreckage- just the thought of them raged me with flashbacks of maltreatment. Yet, I was determined. I kept telling myself I WILL forgive them no matter what, I will focus on true empathy, and I announced my intention  that no matter how long it will take me, one day I will wish them what I wish myself and mean it. And it happened.

How did I reach that? The truth is, it is all about being responsible for yourself.

Accepting that only YOU are responsible for where you’re at in life emotionally, personally, and professionally. Even if someone got in your way, manipulated you, and/or harmed you.

You also have to be compassionate with others, not everyone has a conscious. Not everyone is humble or has integrity. Most people are sick. This is life.

It is those that treat themselves badly that will do the same to you.

You see, it is never about someone else. Your life journey is all about conquering yourself, you are your biggest enemy. People as just mirrors. They are here to reflect the lessons you need to learn. You go through experiences, and it is up to you what you want to make of them and yourself. The questions you got to ask yourself is:

Do you want to waste away your life in blame and pity and leave it up to fate? Or do you want to put matters in your own hands and get out and create the life you want without having to bother with the existence of others? Dim your own light? Or fuel it to shine harder? Beat yourself up? Or rise up to your greatness?

Do good to YOURSELF, I swear that is all you need. Everything else will fall in place from there.

For me doing good to myself meant I needed more than just two hours on myself EVERY DAY. I tend to be aggressive and pessimistic in nature, particularly with all the tragedies and losses I endured in my life and add to that the fact I am born extremely sensitive- I literally feel energy from everything around me times a hundred, regardless of it being human or not… yet, if you meet any of my friends they will tell you I am the most caring, gentle, happiest, and funniest. Frankly, to be that way I for instance MUST train and meditate. I cannot go a day without breaking a sweat and sitting in silence. I would lose myself. I also need time to unwind, walk around, the presence of nature and animals, to read, listen to good music and just sing and dance win bursts, to write,… basically, I need to be me at all times.

Do what you must to stay true to yourself.

Only then will the day will come where you will be so strong to not only shed a tear in front of your enemy in peace, but reach out your hands in love even if all you get back is hate. Only then will you see the power and beauty within YOURSELF. No one else has to see that but you, the rare gems out there will too.

Stay true to you. Choose your beliefs wisely and put the intent and resolution behind them to reach that peace, equanimity, and love regardless of others.

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